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DATING - HOW TO FIND A MATE by Peggy A. Vertreace, DMin.

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In the quest to find Mr. Right or Ms. Right, many have sought a variety of routes. In our technologically advanced society, on-line dating services, on-line matchmaker assessments, Facebook, and MySpace have been used to find that compatible mate. Still, well meaning friends and/or family members may have made you their pet project to get you hitched, the old-fashioned way - by setting you up on blind dates. Social clubs, organizations, the gym or yes, believe it or not, even places of worship have been used as promising sources to find the one. Then, there may be that opportunity you have been waiting for - discovering your soul mate when you least expect to, quite by accident, when you are not looking. It could happen. Whichever method you use or others have used on your behalf, keep in mind the following twelve practical points when looking for that special someone.

BE AT HOME WITH YOURSELF

Do not look for someone to complete you or feel that you are nothing without a man or a woman. This is a self-esteem issue. If you do not regard yourself highly, chances are you will be drawn to someone (or someone will be drawn to you) who does not think of himself or herself highly either.

BE TRUE TO YOURSELF

Know your spiritual, religious, and moral standards. Are they worth compromising for the sake of being able to say, "I have a man" or "I have a woman" in order to avoid being without a mate any longer? If you have a shopping list of your top ten must-haves in a mate, which of those ten will you be willing to compromise without physical, emotional, financial, or spiritual injury to yourself or others?

ASK YOURSELF IF YOU ARE LOOKING OUT OF DESPERATION

Dating is almost like grocery shopping. It is not a good idea to go to the grocery store when you are hungry. Chances are, you will buy what you do not need, taking advantage of every sale item, just because it's on sale - whether you use the product or not. When you date hungry or out of desperation, you are likely to fall for just about anything and get involved with someone that you do not really need in your life. Once in this situation, somewhere down the road, you may find yourself asking, "What was I thinking?" By then you are probably in too deep.

DO NOT HESITATE ASKING THE HARD QUESTIONS

In these days and times issues regarding debt, sexual activity, whether someone is married, divorced or single, whether they have children, what their spiritual/religious values are, or if they have a criminal background are legitimate issues to be addressed during the course of the early stages of the dating process. Asking these questions could save you a lot of heartache later on. Do your homework.

BE AWARE OF WHAT YOU CAN BRING TO A RELATIONSHIP

If you are looking for someone to complete you or to take care of you, it is best to hold off dating until you have a good idea of who your are. It takes one hundred percent plus some from each person in a relationship to even begin to make it work. Looking for what you can get out of it, without consideration to what you can bring to enrich the relationship is one sided.

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Peggy A. Vertreace

Counselor/TherapistPeggy A. Vertreace Marriage and Family Therapist
Location: Spring House, PA
Credentials: DMin, MA, MFT
Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Divorce/Divorce Prevention, Grief/Loss, Spiritual/Religious, Other
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