Want A Happier Love Life? Find A Role Model

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role models
YourTango Experts tell us how to use role models to improve our love lives.

What do our role models tell us about ourselves and how can users transform this awareness into action? Role models help teach us what we value most. We learn who we are by understanding why we want to be like certain people.How To Fall In Love With Mr. Good Enough

How can we become more like them?
1.     All of life is acting. Act like the other person until the admirable traits they exhibit become more habitual.
2.     Take time for yourself. Journal how it felt when you tried these new behaviors that your role model taught you.
3.     Ask for feedback. Ask your significant other (or a close friend, if you're single) if they feel more special or valued when you changed your behavior to achieve higher standards.
 --Mary Jo Rapini, Therapist


Where can I find a good role model?
If your love life is transitioning, finding a role model who has the love life that you want to create can be very helpful. However, before you think about identifying a person whom you would like to emulate, it's important to figure out the type of relationship you want.

First, think about where you have been. Most people carry baggage from their past relationships. The more you unpack your suitcase before engaging in a new relationship, the better. What worked? What didn't? Self-evaluation and growth are key. The ultimate goal is to take your time, look within, and identify the qualities of a relationship that are important to you.

Then think about the people who are in such relationships. Get involved in events, organizations, and social networks where people with those qualities are members. For example, if your last relationship failed because your significant other did not want children and you do, consider volunteering at a non-profit organization that benefits kids.

One of the best step-mom role models I ever had is a woman who had been remarried for over 20 years who led a step-family support group in my local area. I learned from her example. I asked a lot of questions, and it took time. But, it was worth it. It was very inspiring to hear from someone who had faced the same challenges which I was facing and who obviously loved her life despite the tough issues she once faced.

Having such a role model helped me see that I was normal. For the first time, I felt like I wasn't the only one in the world experiencing step-mom challenges. She helped me identify my strengths and weaknesses and provided ideas for solutions. And, one of the most important things she taught me is that relationships take time to build.

Role models are out there. You just have to know what qualities you are looking for, engage, remain open, and give it time.
--Paula Bisacre, Marriage Educator


Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Paula Bisacre


Paula Bisacre

President, Remarriage LLC

Publisher, www.RemarriageWorks.com - Your Go-To Resource for Remarriage & Stepfamily Living

West Friendship, MD 21794

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Mary Jo Rapini


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