Hi Patti, I have been dating this guy for about 9 months. Things were going
good until about 3 months ago when he got involved into this big project at
work. It ties up almost all of his time. I have no reason to think he is lying
about it. But my issue is that we never spend any quality time together
anymore. We talk on the phone almost every night but that is not enough for
me. And when he does come over he only stays for an hour. I am not asking
24/7. But I feel like I have to make an appointment to see my boyfriend and
when I do its a rushed appointment. If he does not have time for me know,
what will it be like later? I do not want to break up just yet. How do I
make sure he understands this is not good enough for me without sounding too much like a diva?
Without knowing any of the details of your relationship with this guy previous to his hectic schedule, I would have to ask you a few questions if you were sitting in front of me. First, I would ask about the initial six months of your relationship. Was he attentive, and did he make time for you? How about the trust factor; did he ever give you reason to believe he was lying or cheating? I would want to know whether or not you have met each other’s families and friends, and if he’s opened up to you about his past. In my experience, a big red flag of dishonesty is not being introduced to family and friends. A person who has something to hide will try to keep you in the dark any way he can, including making excuses as to why you can’t come for Christmas dinner or to his best friend‘s birthday party.
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Assuming that he was a great boyfriend the first six months, he didn’t lie or cheat, you’ve met his family and know about his history, then the picture to look at is the present. It is hard to believe that his work schedule is the only thing preventing him from spending more than an hour per week with you, the person he supposedly is in love with.
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The very next thing you need to do is have a conversation with him about how you are feeling, and ask him if he foresees being able to spend more time together in the future. You should also have a discussion with him regarding commitment and whether or not he is ready for that. Does he refer to you as his girlfriend, or are you just the woman he is dating? Is he looking to get married and start a family? Are you? It’s obvious that his priority right now is his work, and if that is something you can deal with until the project is complete, by all means stick with him. However, you are right in being weary about how he will handle situations like this in the future.
Ultimately, you have to ask yourself if it’s worth it; will you be able to handle his workaholic behavior ten years from now? If the answer is no, then best to end it now before you invest any more of your precious time into the relationship. Keep in mind that the person who is truly interested in finding the love of his life will make it a priority above most other things; it in no way makes you a diva for wanting to spend more time with the person you love. I firmly believe that settling for less than what you deserve should never be an option; there are billions of people in the world, people who have the same values and moral fiber as yourself.