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Unlock the power of self-disclosure to live your fullest life.
By Patrick Williams — Written on Aug 18, 2019
We all find it difficult to be totally honest at all times, but eventually, it’s important to find the right time, place, and person with whom to make an honesty dump. In other words, to get emotionally naked and vulnerable.
How often do you say things you really shouldn't? Do you ever catch yourself gossiping about another when you say you hate gossip? How often do you bury the things you really want to say, but for whatever reason, just don’t?
The longer you hold onto things and allow them to go unfinished or unspoken, the more those things you’re trying to avoid fester and grow into a much more volatile or destructive infection.
You've probably heard the phrase "the elephant in the room" — that big thing everyone knows is there but pretends is not. It gets avoided it and walked around. Nothing gets resolved. Just like the elephant, a mouse in the room doesn’t produce any good results when it gets ignored either.
In my career as a psychologist, as well as a life and wellness coach, I have often assisted and encouraged people to take on these unspoken conversations that need to happen. I encourage people to create positive outcomes from careful self-disclosure, embrace the power of vulnerability, and to do it now.
These experiences might be memories of bumps and bruises along your journey, but they no longer need to be painful. Many of our human experiences entail being either scarred or scared.
Painful life events at various stages can indeed wound us, but they don't have to suck the life out of us. Just as scars are visible reminders of an injury or wound we once had, hopefully, the pain that accompanied them is gone.
But scars are also metaphorical and psychological reminders for those memories, experiences, and challenges. We have been stretched to fully experience life as it happens, the good or bad, the positive or negative, or the challenging and sometimes inspiring.
And, remember, each scar is a sign that you have healed. It’s a symbol that the wound is no longer open. The memory attached to the scar may still need healing, and that’s what being vulnerable is all about.
Our life gives experiences to us. What we make of them is the key. We don’t have to do it alone. Take what life gives to you, learn from it, and move forward with the help of a committed confidante or two.
As Ziad K. Abdelnour once said, “Life is like a camera. Focus on what’s important. Capture the good times. And if things don’t work out, just take another shot.” Personal and spiritual development is a process. You can either just let it happen as an observer, or you can be purposeful in your personal exploration as a full participant in the unfolding emergence of your true being.
Here’s the thing: All of us have stuff that we keep hidden, sometimes for many years, or sometimes a short while — but when these things stay stuffed in a private hiding place in our minds they can fester and build up into a story worse than the truth.
The solution is to find someone with whom you can share your naked truth. If it’s an old trauma or a shaming event, you may want to consider seeing a therapist. If it’s just something that is embarrassing, find a coach, a confidant, or a trusted friend who will listen without judging and accept you as you are.
That is love. That is committed listening. And when they need to disclose something of their own, you can become that person’s witness and committed listener in return.
Emotional nakedness is an energy charging system. Emotions aren't just feelings, they are a form of energy within our experience.
I suggest to my clients that e-motion means energy in motion. Certain feelings — like anger or sadness — may not feel good, but they are good for us because they alert us to energy that needs to shift.
Think of a time when you experienced a moment of naked truth by sharing an intense emotion with a trusted listener. How did you feel after the disclosure? Did you feel the energy shift?
If we stuff our emotions, they can short-circuit our energy and drain us of the power to move toward a different experience. When this happens, we miss the learning opportunities that do eventually come from all of our lives challenges. Even bad experiences have positive lessons... eventually.
As Brené Brown says in Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, “Vulnerability is the core of all emotions and feelings. To feel is to be vulnerable.”
Once you learn to see emotion as energy in motion you will no longer want to ignore what you’re feeling. Go ahead. Acknowledge it, embrace it, express it, and move the energy. The love you live is equal to the love you give, both for yourself and others.
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Patrick Williams is a licensed psychologist, life coach, and author. Check out his latest book, Getting Naked: On Emotional Transparency at the Right Time, the Right Place, and with the Right Person.