There is a new trend among some women, to learn how to climax on command.Would you do it?
The other night, I had an amazing experience at the META Center in NYC, where I spoke alongside Joan and Tomas Heartfield to a packed room of fifty women about "The Secret Ingredients To Becoming a Turned On Woman".
After the lecture, several women came up to me and started to talk to me about experiences that they were having working with hands on sexual practitioners, something that I generally support and have experienced first hand.
One started to tell me about how she is learning to "Climax on Command" as if this was the greatest thing in the universe. It was hard to keep the initial shock off my face. After all, I have been called a sexual pioneer and a pleasure activist! I needed to be more open minded. Plus these women were geniunely proud and thrilled with their experiences, so who was I to judge? And it wasn't the "Paying For It" that bothered me either. I too, had not only paid for sexual education and pleasure, but had supported many women who were exploring hands on practitioners on their own sexual healing journeys. That was what my book "Shameless: How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner", was in part about.
So, this world was not completely unknown to me - and I knew from first hand experience how brave these women were
But for me, the very idea of making sexual pleasure all about getting to the climax and, even worse, turning it into some kind of body training - was the very opposite of my belief that female orgasm and sexual pleasure can have nothing to do with what most people call "climaxing".
In fact, I believe that it is in the slowing down of sexual pleasure and the separation of the concept of "orgasm" from "climax" that can really shift the amount of pleasure that most people can access during sex. If women can learn to take the anxiety off of climax and experience the expanded pleasure of rolling female orgasm, they can learn how to float in pleasure for an extremely long time.
Let me be clear - I love orgasm, and I love climaxing! Who doesn't? I am a huge supporter of female pleasure and desire. But this "Climax Intensive", available for thousands of dollars, felt like training women in a masculine model of sexuality which for many males is all about getting hard and then getting off - while female orgasm and sexual pleasure can go on for hours and not result in a traditional "getting off".
So, is this what women want? Or will that continue to increase orgasm anxiety? How would you feel if you find out that your best girlfriend is now certified or trained in climax on command, will that make you raid your 401(k) so you can keep up? Maybe it was the sticker price that had my knickers in a knot. In my seven years of exploring the world on hands on sexual healing, I had never heard of price tags like this. This was way, way, way out of the park! Was this going to become a trend among the wealthy "Sex in The City" girls - leaving the rest of us behind? Or was it something deeper that was bothering me?
Did you know that in a recent study released by Temple University, 60% of all women currently fake orgasm. So, maybe this is a good thing? After all, if you can spend the weekend learning to climax like a magician and you have the bucks to do it - why not? Or is you have never experienced climax in your orgasmic experience - might you be tempted to do anything to have the mystery solved?
But I wonder about the deeper meaning of this on female sexuality. Taking this recent study about orgasm fakers and this new discovery of the $20,000 climax training into consideration, Is the pressure so hot on women to experience a climax that not only will we fake it, but we are willing to pay literally thousands of dollars to accomplish it?
I think we need a new definition of Orgasm! It's time to teach men and women about the concept of "Slow Sex" and what I call the Organic Orgasm which has absolutely nothing to do with learning how to "Climax on Command". It is my hope that we will all learn to separate sexual pleasure, orgasm and climax.
Perhaps, once we do that - there will be no reason to learn how to climax on command.
What do you think? Would you pay $20,000 to learn how to climax on command? Do you view climax as a "must have" in your sexual experiences? Have you ever experienced expanded pleasure and orgasm without a climax?