The other night, I had an amazing experience at the META Center in NYC, where I spoke alongside Joan and Tomas Heartfield to a packed room of fifty women about "The Secret Ingredients To Becoming a Turned On Woman".
After the lecture, several women came up to me and started to talk to me about experiences that they were having working with hands on sexual practitioners, something that I generally support and have experienced first hand.
One started to tell me about how she is learning to "Climax on Command" as if this was the greatest thing in the universe. It was hard to keep the initial shock off my face. After all, I have been called a sexual pioneer and a pleasure activist! I needed to be more open minded. Plus these women were geniunely proud and thrilled with their experiences, so who was I to judge? And it wasn't the "Paying For It" that bothered me either. I too, had not only paid for sexual education and pleasure, but had supported many women who were exploring hands on practitioners on their own sexual healing journeys. That was what my book "Shameless: How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner", was in part about.
So, this world was not completely unknown to me - and I knew from first hand experience how brave these women were
But for me, the very idea of making sexual pleasure all about getting to the climax and, even worse, turning it into some kind of body training - was the very opposite of my belief that female orgasm and sexual pleasure can have nothing to do with what most people call "climaxing".
In fact, I believe that it is in the slowing down of sexual pleasure and the separation of the concept of "orgasm" from "climax" that can really shift the amount of pleasure that most people can access during sex. If women can learn to take the anxiety off of climax and experience the expanded pleasure of rolling female orgasm, they can learn how to float in pleasure for an extremely long time.
Let me be clear - I love orgasm, and I love climaxing! Who doesn't? I am a huge supporter of female pleasure and desire. But this "Climax Intensive", available for thousands of dollars, felt like training women in a masculine model of sexuality which for many males is all about getting hard and then getting off - while female orgasm and sexual pleasure can go on for hours and not result in a traditional "getting off".