Friendship is the third "F" of love. If you want to have a long, lasting love relationship it is important to have a strong foundation of friendship with your partner. I constantly keep a tune playing in my mind that I share with my clients. The song is, "Getting To Know You." Unfortunately, in today's society many people do not take the time to get to know each other. Instead they often have sex too soon, mistaking that sex for love, and become committed. Of course, there are cases where it does work out, but a large majority of relationships that start with having sex and committing too soon are unhappy and end up failing.
Please, get to know your prospective mate first. There is nothing worse than finding out that you really don't like this person after being physically intimate with them. If your possible soul mate keeps pushing you before you are ready, then say goodbye because it is obvious they don't respect your boundaries. Here is an excerpt from my book, Insights for Singles: Steps for Everlasting Love, regarding this point.
Keep Your Pants On
Some people believe the myth that if you do NOT have sex by the third date the relationship is going nowhere. What a joke!!! Why would you have sex with a complete stranger? This person could be married, a psycho, or have an interesting disease that could be spread to you. Get to know the person for who they are, no matter how great their body is. Why risk having sex before discovering you really do not like them? Think before you get naked!
I understand how hard it is to be celibate when you finally meeting someone who you connect with and turns you on. But, be patient and don't blow it by ruining the relationship by having sex too soon. Instead, build a firm foundation of friendship. Here are two tips to help you keep your pants, skirt, or undies on.
- A good way to keep from having sex too soon is to do lots of activities together; be with friends, get a bite to eat, go for a walk, play sports, or go sailing. It is fun to go as a couple to a play, concert, or movie. There are a ton of things you can do together, so put on your thinking caps on because the possibilities are endless!
- Another way to get to know each other is to have conversation with each other. If the way you communicate is texting or emailing only—that is not having a conversation! Texts and emails are good for quick contact. Even if you are dating someone in another part of the world there is Skype and of course use the phone. If you cannot enjoy conversations and/or have problems communicating with each other, that is a red flag. Now, don't get me wrong, no couple has perfect communication; communication always takes work. When you both become older and the looks, body, and life situation changes—your conversations with each other will keep the love strong.
Another important reason to be friends with your mate is because good friends stay together through good times and bad times. There is a school of thought that you need to experience some type of problem together before getting married. That could be loss of a job, health issue, accident, family problems, or any other kind of issue. It gives you the opportunity to see how your partner is going to behave when problems come along because in life there are always obstacles that help you grow. One of the most common answer a couple who has been together for many years to explain of why they are still together is, "Because of our friendship, we are best friends."
Lastly, there are no guarantees or insurance policies when it comes to relationships. But if you use the 3 F's you have a much better advantage to have healthy, long lasting love! Did you miss the other two F’s? The first F is Focus and can be found in How to be Happy? Use the Three F’s. Fun is the second F; the article is Have Fun and Get Happy to Improve Your Love Life. To hear the Three F’s in detail get the free class recording at http://www.pamelacummins.com/free/
For More Relationship Advice From YourTango: