PICTURE THIS –
Your partner bursts through the door, grabs the box of Kleenex and collapses onto the couch. Sobbing between words, she reports that she was reprimanded at work, lost her cell phone, got a speeding ticket on the way home, and then had an argument with her mother.
And, she is emitting those dreaded and confusing 'STAY AWAY' vibes.
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Your first thought may be, ‘Run! Save yourself! Run!’
Escape is certainly an option. Asking, ‘Can I help?’ from the safety of the far corner of the room; or attempting to show compassion by asking, ‘How fast were you driving?’ are other options. Or, you could just default to, ‘I guess you want to be left alone.’
Try this instead:
Access your full masculine strength and penetrate her mood with your unwavering love and support. Sound like a tall order? Maybe. Is it worth a try? You bet!
And this is how it might look:
Do not engage her in conversation – the data is unimportant. Approach her, (standing) take her in your arms, belly to belly. Hold her tight and place a hand behind her head as you gently press it to your chest. Breathe deeply and slowly. You are strong and grounded.
Envelope her with your body as you penetrate her with your love and support.
Maintaining the snug hold, slowly rock your bodies back and forth, just a few inches. Let her tears soak your shirt, let her mascara leave its marks. In embracing your full masculinity, you are giving her permission to surrender deeply to her femininity. The more she feels your masculine strength, the more she can let go.
When she starts to release, adjust your hold but resist the disconnect. This invites her flood gates to open even more. Be present, be uwavering, and continue to hold her until she is complete - you will know.
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Very often when women are in chaos, they give messages of, ‘Stay away, I don’t need you,’ while they crave just the opposite. Is it a test? - possibly. But it is more about fear of disappointment and self-protection.
She doesn’t (yet) trust that you will show up for her the way she needs you to.