Often there are two basic misunderstandings that go into falling into a choice to seek sexual expression outside of the relationship. 1) There is an overlooking and/or denial about the suffering it will create for the partner, and 2) the choice does nothing to resolve the underlying root causes that are creating the urges to seek sex, comfort, and/or connection elsewhere. It's a kind of like attempting to climb a tree by digging a hole in the ground. You're just going in the entirely wrong direction.
Ms. St. James' advice to wives and partners that "the more you listen, the less the public will need my services," demonstrates an overlooking of these two fundamental elements. Although it may not have been her intention, while stating her insights into today's sexuality she also seems to place blame on wives and girlfriends for their lack of partnering skills. As long as she continues to put herself into the role of "the other woman," she firmly remains a part of the problem. As in the tree climbing analogy above, her intention may be to instruct on tree climbing, but she is there with a shovel helping to dig the hole in the ground.
Those who seek a "Girl Friend Experience," or any sort of intimate connection with someone who is being paid to perform, will continue to stumble on the fact that this experience is not a real relationship. As much as Ms. St. James may want to teach the art of sensual intimacy, she can only point toward it. Truly connected intimate partnership includes not only intimate sexuality but so much more. It requires both inner strength and the capacity to surrender to your partner. This develops over time through the willingness to make the needs and wants of the other, and of the relationship, just as important as your individual needs and wants. The capacity of surrendering self to other brings with it the benefit of intimacy.
Ms. St. James' message of how we are missing the intimate, connected, uplifting potential in our sexuality is lost because as a messenger she only holds a piece of the truth. But let's not throw out that part of truth that she expresses so clearly. With that in mind, let's read through the words from her post:
“Our view of what is 'sexy' has become so askew that many women and men don’t even know what their own desires are anymore. With most contemporary portrayals of sexuality being outright promiscuity and tactless drunken debauchery, it’s not surprising that women and men have lost sight of the joys and need for sensuality. Between this severely misguided view of human sexuality and the pressures of our everyday lives, the sex lives of most Americans have been stunted. Those involved in relationships, and even those who are battling through the 'dating scene,' are faced with the pressures to conform to what society is telling us sex should be.”