Sex Scandals & Denial By The Wife

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Sex Scandals & Denial By The Wife
Lessons of the sex scandals: Sandusky, Fine, Cane. How did their wives not see what was happening?

In hearing the stories coming out of Penn State about the years of lack of follow through on the reports of coach Jerry Sandusky’s clearly inappropriate conduct with young men, it is hard not to wonder how this could have happened. How did all those otherwise caring and intelligent men who either witnessed or heard about what was going on just put it out of their minds? How did they do that? As Mark Twain so famously quipped, "Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt." I have started to wonder if it might be a river in Pennsylvania.

It seems every time I turn on the news lately there is another report of some kind of sexual scandal that is being denied by those who are close to the person who has been accused. Sandusky’s fellow coaches and associates at Penn State somehow managed to find a way to put aside what they had directly seen or heard regarding his inappropriate behavior with young men. Somehow they did not feel the need to further confront the situation.

The news services have also offered up a taped phone call with Syracuse coach Bernie Fine’s wife in which she apparently knew that her husband had been sexually inappropriate with young men and yet she seems to placing responsibility not with her husband, but on the young victim. How did she manage to deny her responsibility to these young men?

Although former presidential candidate Herman Cain’s alleged sexual misbehaviors cannot be compared to those in the sports world, the denials are just as firmly a part of the story. His wife, Gloria, seemingly continues to believe her husband could not have engaged in acts of sexual harassment in spite of mounting evidence. Even the revelations of a 13-year affair do not seem to have convinced her that something might be amiss in her assessment of her husband. In a recent televised interview she stated, "I know that’s not the person he is."

In the face of all this very public denial, I found myself wondering, "Do these people really believe what they are saying and if so, how could they be so blind?" It is always possible that any of these denials are a case of knowing the truth but not being willing to admit it, of lying. But what about those times when the truth cannot be recognized or acknowledged even in the face of facts, evidence, or confirmation?

I suspect that most of us would like to believe that if we were in a situation where we saw harm or wrongdoing occurring that we would first be able to recognize it and secondly that we would do something to stop it. I’d certainly like to think I would. But as I more closely begin to investigate my own lack of ability to immediately discern the truth, not to mention my capacity to overlook and deny facts that are right in front of me, I can’t help but begin to feel like I might be living in a glass house with a gang outside holding big ‘ole rocks in their hands.

I remember Bill Clinton on my television proclaiming with that wagging finger that he "…did not have sexual relations with that woman…" I believed him. I wanted to believe him. I felt myself standing with Hillary, believing her assessment of the situation that this was all just a conspiracy of political character bashing. But history showed how Hillary was in denial about Bill, and I was too.

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Sex Addiction and Porn Addiction—We've been there and we know the way out. Compulsion Solutions offers the time-proven approach of George Collins to damaging sex addict and porn addict behaviors, incorporating scientifically proven “mindfulness” techniques that are now being used by the military to treat PTSD and substance abuse. We've been using this approach and these techniques for over 20 years to help people just like you.

 

 

Location: Walnut Creek, CA
Credentials: BS, LMFT, MA, MFT, Other
Specialties: Sex Addiction
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