Sex Addiction From A Buddhist Perspective

In the land of the strange but true, as a former Tibetan Buddhist nun I fell in love with and married a man who counsels sex addicts and who is a recovering sex addict himself. Joining him in his counseling practice has allowed me a look into the lives of many people who have struggled with sex and relationship addictions.

These relationships have also impelled me to contemplate how the grace and teaching that I received from my Tibetan teachers can supply guidance in how to work with the compulsions or addictions that manifest in our world today. A young woman called tonight, crying.

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Her husband had promised he would stop accessing Internet porn. She had recently given birth to their first child, and on their home computer she discovered that in the previous few days her husband had visited dozens of porn sites. What should she do? 3 Steps To Overcome Sex Addiction

Earlier today we received a call from a very successful local businessman whose wife had once again discovered a number of sexually explicit text messages and emails on his cell phone. These messages had been sent to and received from friends of the couple, acquaintances, business associates, and prostitutes. His wife was prepared to leave the marriage because she had discovered this sort of evidence previously and he had promised "never to do it again." Could he be helped?

A woman, a successful attorney, has been working with us because she realized that for the last ten years she has remained in an abusive marriage due to her fear of being alone. 4 Questions You May Be Asking About Sex Addiction

What is it that creates a compulsion to have sex as often as possible? Or to fantasize about sex with an individual of an inappropriate age? Or to compulsively fear being alone, to feel compelled to "be in a relationship?" Why have otherwise reasonable and educated people continued to make choices that lead to greater suffering for themselves and for the people closest to them?

For many, the lure of porn and/or affairs is that the anonymity of connecting with a stranger is less frightening than the intimacy required when connecting with a true partner. For others, the safety of masturbating to pornographic images is instantly satisfying and less frightening than weathering the complexities of human relationship.

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The Internet has provided the opportunity to connect more anonymously, and materials that in the past would have required a trip to a porn shop are now available twenty-four hours a day without leaving home. Sexually stimulating material can be viewed with just a few clicks in the relative privacy of one's home or office.

Internet porn has been labeled "crack cocaine" for the sexually compulsive individual. On television talk shows and in the news, we seem to hear more and more about this compulsion labeled "sex addiction" or "relationship addiction." 6 Tips To Make Marriage Counseling Work