This is something most of us tend to want to avoid. Often (actually usually, in my experience) even in a difficult, unharmonious, unsupportive relationship there is a desire for the relationship to continue. This is so natural. I see it and hear about it every day.
I counsel the wives and partners of men who suffer from sex and/or porn addiction. I work with my husband, George Collins, who as a recovering sex addict has an amazing capacity to help men find their way out of compulsive sexual activity. When the partner of someone who has been acting out sexually calls us they generally hope that we can help them find a way to put their relationship back together.
Often we can. But, we can only help the relationship if the guy who has been acting out sexually:
- Recognizes that he has a problem
- Is willing to commit to stopping the behavior
Without these pieces in place, the relationship simply will not have a solid foundation from which to rebuild.
It comes down to this. If your guy really wants to stay in the relationship, recognize that whatever it is he's been doing is not going to lead to an intimate connection, and that if he's willing to get some support to change his behavior, there is a possibility of rebuilding the relationship. Sex & Sensuality: Where The Nun & The Prostitute Agree
Relationship is like a dance. Sometimes the dance is easy and sometimes it's hard. Sometimes we step all over our partner's toes. Choosing to stay in a relationship or to leave is not necessarily about getting away from what's painful, it's about recognizing when you don't actually have a partner to dance with.
If you are in an abusive relationship, if you or your family members are in danger and you are finding it difficult to walk away, there are abuse hotlines all across the country. Call. The person on the other end of the phone will not judge you. You will get immediate help and support. 4 Steps To Finding Love [VIDEO]
If your partner is acting in a way that you cannot accept and does not want to get help, if he does not want to find the way to greater intimacy, then I encourage you to at least tell the truth to yourself about who you are dealing with.
In this sort of situation, the recognition that it's time to go is personal. Trust yourself. Get whatever help and support you need to begin to extricate yourself from the relationship. This can be a cold, hard truth that you do not want, but from acceptance comes the beginning of your healing.
If you are partnered with someone who is actually not in a relationship with you, the only way out of the suffering from this kind of connection is to walk head on into the pain of leaving. This is how you will give yourself time and space to grieve the loss and ultimately build a better life. 7 Signs Your Partner Is A Sex Addict