Emotional Safety & How To Get More Of It

By

Emotional Safety & How To Get More Of It
Can I find safety in a world (& in my relationship) that feels unsafe?


When those structures are developed as children we bring them with us into our adult relationships. If, however, we are lacking in those internal formations, we have the capacity to develop them. We possess the capacity to literally complete the task of growing ourselves up.


How to find a sense of safety in our most intimate relationships when it seems to be playing hide-and-seek with us? We can call, "come out, come out wherever you are" like this: begin to make friends with the sense of feeling unsafe. As counter-intuitive as that may sound, this can open the doorway to building internal structures of safety. Don't try to get rid of the feeling of unsafe. Don't scold it. In the same way a loving parent would comfort a scared child, you can compassionately invite your sense of unsafe to reveal itself to you. Each time you do this, your compassion is literally building, re-building, structures of safety.

 


The next time you find yourself wanting your partner to stop doing that oh-so-irritating thing that "makes you feel" unsafe, let that be a signal to you to quietly take even the briefest of moments to take a deep breath and bring compassion to the scared, unsafe child lurking inside you. This is not a magic pill that will instantly remove your feeling of lack of safety, but it is the doorway to finding where safety really resides. This work on the inside will in fundamental ways begin to change your experience of the world.
 

Paldrom Catharine Collins is a former Tibetan Buddhist nun and co-author of "A Couple’s Guide to Sexual Addiction: A Step-by-Step Plan to Rebuild Trust & Restore Intimacy." Working with her husband and sex addiction expert George Collins at Compulsion Solutions, Paldrom counsels individuals and couples across the country.

For the past seven years, through her depth of awareness, sensitivity, and her kind and compassionate qualities, she has been integral in helping individuals, couples, and groups find more love, deeper peace and meaning in their lives and closest relationships.

 

This article was originally published at Compulsion Solutions . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Compulsion Solutions

Author

Sex Addiction and Porn Addiction—We've been there and we know the way out. Compulsion Solutions offers the time-proven approach of George Collins to damaging sex addict and porn addict behaviors, incorporating scientifically proven “mindfulness” techniques that are now being used by the military to treat PTSD and substance abuse. We've been using this approach and these techniques for over 20 years to help people just like you.

 

 

Location: Walnut Creek, CA
Credentials: BS, LMFT, MA, MFT, Other
Specialties: Sex Addiction
Other Articles/News by Compulsion Solutions:

The REAL Cause Of Addiction And How To Overcome It

By

"I don't like green things!" Little Jimmy didn't want to eat the vegetables on his dinner plate. His parents were exasperated. "Do you know how hard your mother worked to shop for this food for you and to cook for you?" asked Jimmy's father. "You should be ashamed of yourself. Go to your room. Now!" Almost all of us ... Read more

Holiday Triggers & Cheering For Yourself

By

We all know that holidays can be stressful. There are additional expectations from loved ones, gift purchases, and quality time with less than beloved in-laws. Addicts, who are often used to being more isolated, may be faced with holiday friends, family, and house guests. With all these additional interactions, the addict or recovering addict may have less free ... Read more

This 3-Step Plan Will Help YOU Forgive Your Own Mistakes

By

We all have parts of ourselves that are dark and ugly, that have the capacity to cause harm, that have caused harm. These tend to be aspects we want to hide from ourselves and certainly from the rest of world. Investigating what you judge to be the worst of you can begin to reveal the shame that rides alongside those acts or omissions in life that you ... Read more

See More

 
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular