It Can Be Hard To Talk About Sex Addiction

By

It Can Be Hard To Talk About Sex Addiction
If you suspect sex addiction is an issue in your relationship, can you openly discuss S-E-X?

At the same time I was a part of this culture where, as a girl, beauty (and sexual appeal) was rewarded with attention, favors, and success. Barbie was the ideal woman. She had Ken and that Barbie dream house after all. My Barbie needed the finest in order to adorn her perfect female form. I longed for designer clothes for my Barbie dolls and made those I couldn’t afford. Each year I watched the Miss America pageant knowing I would never measure up to that ideal. With my friends, I poured through magazines seeking advice on how to present ourselves in the most appealing ways. Without any kind of awareness of it at that time, I can now see that I was a victim as well as a willing participant in our culture of sexualization and objectification.

The transcendence of any of our deeply acculturated belief systems requires us to challenge the unexamined conclusions from our past. This can be hard to do because they feel like the load-bearing walls inside the structure of our "me-ness." Our love, connection, and interest in another can work like a carrot to a horse leading us to look at assumptions that were put in place so long ago that they are now almost imperceptibly running the show. For me to be able to stay present and participate in the deepening of my connection with George and his world of sex and addiction, I had to challenge some unseen rules.

The avoidant discomfort that came up around the very mention of his avocation was like a bell, ringing "investigation required here." I have learned that staying with the uncomfortable feeling is a link to my connection with humanity. After all, any discomfort or fear I may have is certainly being felt by many others. In this way, discomfort does not need to be avoided, but can be embraced in a compassionate way for myself—and for all of us. The discomfort I may experience about discussing sexuality can be met in a way that opens the doorway to a deeper exploration.

If your sex life is unsatisfying or uncomfortable, it’s time to speak about it. If you suspect that your partner may have an issue with sex addiction, you can voice your concerns. To talk about sex, first many of us have to get over the hump of the prohibition we have about the subject. To do that it can help to acknowledge and put aside prejudices, fears, and preconceived notions.

When the investigation is about sex and sexuality, many of us can feel the inhibitions of embarrassment, shame, and just plain shyness. Like everything else, if we can begin see the internal machinery that is telling us what is right, good, proper, allowable (or not allowable), we then have a chance to confront the assumptions running the show and even in the discomfort of the assumption, make a choice to challenge the old story. Despite our busied lives, careers, children, and even sexual difficulties, it really is possible to open a conversation and create a closer relationship with your spouse.

 

This article was originally published at Compulsion Solutions . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Compulsion Solutions

Author

Sex Addiction and Porn Addiction—We've been there and we know the way out. Compulsion Solutions offers the time-proven approach of George Collins to damaging sex addict and porn addict behaviors, incorporating scientifically proven “mindfulness” techniques that are now being used by the military to treat PTSD and substance abuse. We've been using this approach and these techniques for over 20 years to help people just like you.

 

 

Location: Walnut Creek, CA
Credentials: BS, LMFT, MA, MFT, Other
Specialties: Sex Addiction
Other Articles/News by Compulsion Solutions:

Your Internal Guide May Change Your Outlook On Life

By

Your capacity to deal with any difficulty is strengthened by developing a deeper awareness of your internal guide. We all have one. If you are dealing with an addiction like porn addiction or sex addiction, or learning to work with your partner's addictive tendencies, your internal guide will help lead you through hard times. *** Once upon a time, ... Read more

5 Reasons I Don't Want To Look At Porn Today

By

When viewing porn is at the center of your life, it might be hard to imagine that you might eventually find reasons to not want to look at porn. I recently received the following list of reasons from one of my clients and was quite impressed, so I thought I'd share them with you. Read More. Read more

6 Benefits Of Quitting Porn

By

Six months ago, my entire day revolved around porn. It was ruining my relationship. It was getting in the way of my goals and plans. It just had to stop, so I embarked upon a path to give up porn. I called Compulsion Solutions because I decided it was time to grow up. Now I can undoubtedly say life is better. Are you a porn addict? Are you watching porn to ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular