We believe it's possible to come out of the other side better and stronger as a couple, however, dramatic changes need to happen in order for the relationship to survive. This is not something that can change quickly or without effort. There’s a shift that must take place for both parties to rectify and move on — together. Is Your Concept Of 'Soul Mate' Keeping You Single?
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Here are some key things to ponder if you're going to make a go at your relationship after an affair:
1. Do not rush to forgiveness.
It is very common to want to avoid conflict and that may cause us to rush to forgiveness. Expressing our emotions is a way of valuing ourselves and falling into sacrifice. It is imperative to express how we feel in the moment.
If we rush to forgiveness, we are devaluing ourselves and our feelings. This will deny your own feelings in order to keep the relationship going and is a recipe for anger and resentment. To Argue Or Not To Argue? Is That The Question?
When there has been a betrayal it is very easy to stumble into blaming language, so be sure to take responsibility for your own feelings and express yourself with "I" statements.
2. Take some space.
One of you needs to check into a hotel or stay with a friend. It is important to take some time away from each other. You may be worried that this will allow a separation easier to occur, however, this is not the case. 5 Key Rules To A Successful Trial Separation
Having time away from each other to process your own feelings can only happen if you're not in each other's space and will allow an opportunity to see if you both want to do the work to re-engineer the relationship.
If you're going to "lose" him, that will happen regardless of your requests and your actions. Giving him space to decide what he truly desires will ease your fears that he isn't committed to creating this new relationship, because he's made that decision on his own.
3. Honor how you feel.
Take the time to feel the full gamut of emotions that you will surely feel. Work your way into and through every emotion. Take good care of yourself by doing things that allow you to feel whatever you are feeling in the moment. Take a bubble bath, hikes, walks, listen to music … just be with yourself and allow those feeling to flow through you. 5 Great Tips For Improving Communication
It may feel overwhelming at times, but you are capable of handling much more than you know. When you try to avoid your feelings and keep things under control then you are going to have trouble moving on from this event. If you want to save the relationship, or if you want to be able to move on to another relationship, then you have to process your feelings around this event.
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The goal is to move through your emotions — not gloss over them.
4. Start practicing forgiveness.