The Real KEY to LOVE!

By

The Real KEY to LOVE!
If you don’t ever show your true self, then you can never be loved for who you really are.

Which one of these scenarios best describes your experience in relationships?

 

1. You always find yourself needing to please your partner. Constantly putting their needs ahead of yours, you find that at times you feel resentful wondering when all of your selfless action will be recognized and reciprocated. You wish your partner would be able to anticipate your needs as well as you anticipate theirs. Ultimately, all of this leads to you constantly twisting into a pretzel to receive love.

 

2. You feel like you’ve been duped in your relationship. You thought you knew who your partner was until you made that deeper commitment and everything changed. Suddenly your partner has different opinions than you and begins to express them. This person is no longer interested in doing the things that you did during your courtship. In fact it may seem like you’ve married or moved in with a completely different person.

 

3. You are extremely attracted to people who reject you. It seems that the more you are told that you are not right for that person, the more you want to prove them wrong. You may even begin a process of changing who you are in order to become more like what you think that person wants. When you meet someone who is attracted to you and likes you for who you are, you are not interested in that person. You may even feel that person is not worthy of being with you as it would be too easy to start a relationship with them. You prefer a challenge and like the chase, but lose interest when you get the prize.

 

These may seem like completely different scenarios, but they all point to a common problem – a lack of self-acceptance. In the first scenario the person lacks an ability to see their needs as valuable. When we seek approval outside of ourselves we find ourselves twisting into pretzels. We often think “What shape can I assume that will make me attractive to you?” This is a game of rejecting who we are and hoping that the new shape we assume will be loveable. When what we really need to do is to learn to accept all of our qualities, both good and bad, and by finding that acceptance then we can be authentic in relationship with others.

 

In the second scenario the partner in the relationship isn’t purposefully deceiving their partner. Instead, this is caused by someone thinking that it is not okay or safe to be themselves until they get that deeper commitment from you. They finally relax and allow their true self to be revealed to you. This is not usually a conscious choice to deceive you. It happens because that person does not believe that you would love them for who they really are. That person lacks a sense of self-acceptance.

 

In the last scenario the problem lies with a sense of worthiness and an inability to receive. This person seeks that rejection because that is what they feel inside. Often times when they are in relationship with the person who does love them for who they are, they will sabotage the relationship to prove that they were not worthy of receiving love and acceptance. The desire to prove themselves worthy to the person who rejects them is really a desire to prove to themselves that they are worthy.

 

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Orna And Matthew Walters

Relationship Coach

Creating Love On Purpose…not just by accident!

We are Relationship Coaches for Singles who desire LOVE!

Everything in life worth having takes effort. When it comes to matters of the heart we all seem to buy into the idea that it will happen by magic. The truth is that your internal guidance system will continue to create the same dysfunctional relationships over and over again . . . until we make the effort to change our story!

You don't have to settle for just enough! You can have it all! And we are here to show you how.

Gain Access to our FREE Video Training:

"Let Your Heart Rule So You Can

Create the Love You Want"

and recieve

"Love Notes Weekly"

the Creating Love On Purpose Newsletter

 

“Focus On Love – Change Your Life!”

Orna and Matthew Walters, C.Ht.
1-888-774-4263
 

Location: Beverly Hills, CA
Credentials: CHT, Other
Other Articles/News by Orna and Matthew Walters:

Pheromones May Have Less To Do With Attraction Than You Think

By

The science of attraction is constantly proposing theories about why we find each other attractive. Scientists have studied whether symmetry or asymmetry is more attractive (both in bodies and faces), the shapes of our bodies and faces and how that affects attraction, and especially the effect of how we smell. Pheromones, or the chemical secretions we emit ... Read more

What About Conscious Coupling?

By

There’s a ton of buzz happening about our friend and colleague, Katherine Woodward Thomas’ “Conscious Uncoupling” thanks to Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin announcing their split in this way. Always happy to hear that people are doing things consciously, mind-fully and purposefully for the highest and best intentions of all ... Read more

A Good Man Is Not A Unicorn: Why You Shouldn't Settle In Love

By

Recently, one of our clients discovered a man she was attracted to on an online dating site. She was surprised because she had been skeptical about online dating. Then she began to make her first mistake — one that we see so many women make. She began to put a lot of expectations on this man and their possible relationship before they had even met. ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.