Challenge

He Watches Porn—Is Your Relationship In Trouble?

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He Watches Porn—Is Your Relationship In Trouble?
Watching porn doesn't mean he's dissatisfied with his sex life.

If your desire is to have a true soul partnership, then no subject is "taboo" to discuss. When fear shows up within a partnership, walking through that paper tiger of fear and communication will create deeper intimacy every single time.

If you know your partner is looking at porn, and this brings up negative emotions for you, here's what we'd like you to do:

* Don't put your head in the sand and ignore the issue. Ignoring how you feel about the issue will only breed resentment. You cannot be in a committed relationship and not be able to express how you feel about what is going on in the relationship. That resentment will build up over time and could doom the relationship.

* Be sure to communicate your feelings to your partner without blame. Attacking or blaming language will only shut him down. Follow the template below when communicating with him about this issue.

* Find out from your partner about what he likes about looking at porn. Maybe that can give you an idea about what, if anything, may be missing from your sexual relationship. 7 Sex Positions Men Love

* Know that what you're feeling is about you, not about your partner.

Just because your man is looking at porn doesn't mean that your relationship is over or even that you have a problem in your relationship. It is imperative to the health of your relationship to address your feelings with your man so that you are both on the same page, however.

Porn can be addictive, and there are many great resources to help someone who may have this problem. To determine if your man has a real problem with porn, please click here.

To really make this advice work, you need to follow these action steps to complete today's challenge.

Right now, I want you to:

Take a few deep breaths. Put your feet flat on the floor and uncross your arms. Get in your body and get in touch with your feelings. Finish these sentences:

1. When I think of him looking at porn I feel _____________.

2. When I think of looking at porn with him, I feel ______________.

3. I rate my sexiness at a level (1-10) __________.

The first feeling to come to mind is the right answer. Do not think too much about it. Be sure you have a feeling statement—rather than a thought.

Within 7 days I want you to:

Own your feelings and communicate with your partner by utilizing this template:

I feel ____________. When you _________. Can we please. . . . or Would you please. . .

For example: I feel insecure when you look at porn. Would you please explain to me what is appealing to you about it? Continue the conversation with feeling statements. Always beginning with, "I feel _____________." This template allows you to own your feelings without attacking or blaming him. What you feel is about you, not about him.

Remember no one actually "makes" you feel anything. Our feelings are signals to let us know that there is something in this situation we need to pay attention to. Know that he may or may not respond positively to this exchange. That is not your responsibility. Your job is to take responsibility for what you are feeling and communicate it.

By the end of the challenge I want you to:

Reflect how these conversations have created deeper intimacy between you and your partner; therefore creating a stronger a bond and a healthier, happier sex life. See if you can allow room for porn in your sex life—either for him alone, or for the two of you together. If not, reflect on how to respectfully make that request of your partner. It is important to know what you require in relationship, and not to sacrifice your needs. Being able to communicate what you desire and require are key to creating longevity in your intimate relationship.

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Article contributed by
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Orna And Matthew Walters

Relationship Coach

Creating Love On Purpose…not just by accident!

We are Relationship Coaches for Singles who desire LOVE!

Everything in life worth having takes effort. When it comes to matters of the heart we all seem to buy into the idea that it will happen by magic. The truth is that your internal guidance system will continue to create the same dysfunctional relationships over and over again . . . until we make the effort to change our story!

You don't have to settle for just enough! You can have it all! And we are here to show you how.

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Other Articles/News by Orna and Matthew Walters:

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