We find it interesting how much effort and energy is often put into “where to meet people” when we’re single. We have found with our clients. as well as from our own personal experiences, its not about WHERE you are, but more about WHO you are being.
Dating is important for one reason that most people overlook – PRACTICE!
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In order to change the patterns that you’ve been living over and over again in relationship its imperative for us to practice that new way of being in the world.
From Orna Walters:
When I was single and internet-dating, I had set one clear intention – to discover things about myself.
If I met someone I was interested in, then that would be icing on the cake. The goal was to pay attention to who I was being. How was I different when I was meeting with someone I was attracted to, versus someone with whom I had no spark? How did the presence or lack of that spark shift my internal dialog?
Often times with our clients the desire to find “the one” by internet-dating comes up again and again, and we respond “Its just practice!” (This is true whether the dates come from the internet, or in “regular” life.)
Take that in.
If it is truly just practice, then how would that change your relationship with you?
Ultimately you cannot say or do the “wrong” thing with the Right Person.
When we desire love, we look for it outside of ourselves, yet it must be INSIDE us in order for it to be mirrored back to us.
Nurturing yourself during the search for love is NOT optional.
If you are truly in a place where you really don’t get out to meet new people, that’s okay. Practice with the people in your life; friends, family, and co-workers. Start to pay attention to what you would like to shift and then practice. Do you judge? Do you get angry? Do you run through what may happen later in the day while you take your morning shower – only to realize that the dialog you’re having is not the one you want, but the one you fear?
The real KEY to shifting on the inside is to pay attention to what you are saying to yourself about yourself. Notice the negative dialog and change it to positive comments that you believe. Pay attention to your inner dialog the way a marathon runner pays attention to their pace.
Discover what you would like to be saying to yourself and say that instead.
Personal note from Orna Walters:
Years ago, I married myself. I went down to Venice Beach and bought a plain solid silver band, went out to the beach and promised to Love, Honor and Cherish ME! It was incredibly fulfilling and nurturing. Each time I looked at that band, or felt it on my finger, it was a constant reminder of that promise to myself.
We'd like to invite you to join us for a FREE tele-class TODAY, Wednesday, October 20th - The Secret to Love Like You've Never Been Hurt!
More from YourTango: A Good Man Is Not A Unicorn: Why You Shouldn't Settle In Love
Register NOW for dial-in details:
P.S. If its just after October 20th - Register anyway and receive the replay link.