The truth hurts ... but we're here to help.
Gentlemen over 40, I am talking to you.
That’s right, just you.
That includes you, sir — the gentleman with the beer belly, sporting a beige suit and solidly lacquered comb-over.
Everybody else can go about their daily business.
The complaint I hear most often is that these men “are bloated, weathered and unkempt.”
You have let yourself go. You have eaten yourself into a size of a baby hippo. You haven’t updated your wardrobe since ca. 1997, and nobody can figure out why you’re holding onto those lonely 20 hairs on the back of your head, since all the rest are long gone.
But here is the worst part.
You apparently have a magic mirror that shows you the YOU that you were 20 years ago, instead of the unsightly reality of who you are today (and trust me, I am being kind with my words right now). Because, logically speaking, if you realized how much you've let yourself go and how unattractive you've become, you would want to do something about it, right? Evidently wrong.
Instead of hitting the GYM, you swipe left on the profiles of 40-something women who are less than perfect and complain about the 20-something models who refuse to answer your texts. You are the first to criticize a woman whose breasts don’t stand straight out when she sits, and whose butt doesn't protrude into the universe.
You look at the age on her profile and automatically dismiss anyone whose birth year is prior to 1988, even though, I’m sorry to say, these same women would rather perform a root-canal on themselves than go out with the likes of you.
Furthermore, chances are you look 10 years older than her, even if you are the same age.
After all, many women follow regular body and face regimens to make themselves look younger, while you couldn't tell the difference between moisturizing and exfoliating.
Guess what, gentlemen. You will be doomed to spend the rest of your life in the company of your own right hand if you don’t do something about this disparity — immediately.
Here are the 3 things all men over 40 simply MUST do if they don't want to die alone.
1. Hit the gym.
Yes, I know you’re busy and you haven’t been inside the gym in over 20 years. I get it. It’s hard. But it’s even harder to go through life as a gelatinous mass that no woman wants to acknowledge. Plus, you’ll be healthier too. It’s a win-win!
2. Fix your hair.
A comb-over is NOT an acceptable hair style. Visit a hairdresser (NOT A BARBER) and consult with him or her about which looks will compliment you and what level of styling you can easily maintain. Incidentally: If at least one third of your hair is gone — SHAVE YOUR HEAD. Women prefer men who are completely and honestly bold to those who attempt to deceive themselves with a variety of sparse hair acrobatics.
3. Dress like it's 2016.
The beige dress suit has got to go. The checkered shorts with the pulled up socks have got to go. As a matter of fact, if there is anything in your wardrobe that is over 10 years old — get rid of it. Find a woman (who is not your mother) to join you for a day of shopping and consult with store employees. These people are in a fashion business for a reason, and if you find the right one, he or she will spend the necessary time with you educating and helping you find the right style for the new, modern you.
And here's the final kick while you’re down.
Even matchmakers can't do much for you if you're a hot mess. After all, they can’t force women to be attracted to you — that is entirely your job.
The same goes for dating coaches. They can teach you how to approach women, but those beauties will still run the other way if you look like a disaster!
Superficial? Perhaps. But first impressions are formed in the first 1/10 of a second upon meeting someone.
Frankly, gentlemen, I really REALLY want to help you — if you would only let me.
All you have to do is be 100% honest with yourself the next time you look in the mirror.