Would you rather believe you're perfect ... or actually find true love?
Warning: This is quite probably a rant.
We have become a nation of whining pussies.
YES. I SAID IT.
And I will repeat it. We have become a nation of whining pussies. Somewhere between the Vietnam War and the Rainbow Revolution, we swapped our thick skin for thin whimpering, and that whimpering eventually consumed our love lives.
We seem to like it like that. We'd rather revel in self-pity than admit we're doing something wrong.
If men don’t seem interested in you, that’s just because they can’t recognize a good thing when they see one.
If women reject your advances, that’s because they're gold-digging bitches only looking for a sugar-daddy.
You're not fat, you're full-bodied. You're not slow, you have ADD. And you're not a broke bum who is too lazy to get up off the couch and find a job — you're finding yourself.
So we're now a nation of full-bodied, slow adults on a treasure-hunt for ourselves.
Considering that ADD issue, the search may take a while.
What happened to us? How many decades of psychoanalysis did we get under our belts only to become so deeply disturbed by ourselves that the only reaction to our own problems is an elaborate display of "Ostrich Syndrome."
We can’t be called incompetent. We can’t be called unambitious. We can’t even fathom the possibility that not being able to attract a mate has something to do with us. All that talk hurts our feelings.
Instead, we would rather hear about how beautiful we are on the inside, and how there is a person for every one of us out there anyway. No need to panic. No need to DO ANYTHING.
One of my readers, in response to an article I recently published about the fact that many men over 40 let themselves go, said, "[The author seems] unaware that there are as many unattractive women as there are men and they will all eventually find each other.”
Sounds great, doesn’t it?
Yes, I am an Ogre, but I shouldn’t worry. I’ll find another Ogre just like me!
I had a client who told me a matchmaker informed him he should seriously consider dating a certain woman to whom he wasn't attracted because "that’s the best he could do." This "professional" didn’t suggest he improve his own appearance, conversation, and/or dating style, she simply recommended he settle for "the best he could get."
I will give her this — she was right! That was the best he could get ... if he continued to put absolutely no effort into self-reflection and self-improvement.
In order to put serious effort into something, we need to be convinced of these 3 things:
1. We NEED help.
2. We CAN improve with help.
3. Improvements WILL bring better results.
Think about what makes you jump out of bed in the morning more quickly: the gentle sound of a light-music radio, or the loud buzz of an alarm clock?
Yes, the light music is more pleasant, but you'll most likely want to linger with it just a bit longer because it feels cozy. But the buzz? It may be annoying and irritating, but it rings with a certain sense of urgency that makes you want to jump up and start your day immediately (or grab a hammer and smash it into little pieces — either way, it’s an action of movement and progress, rather than apathy and slumber).
Most of us hate the sound of an alarm's buzz as much as we hate hearing anything negative about ourselves. We would rather have our already over-blown egos stroked gently and perpetually than be jolted by a wakeup call. Because a wakeup call leads to action, and action is tough. Light music leads to more slumber — pleasant and lethargic, no action or thought required.
We've therefore become a nation of entitled brats.
“He should love me for who I am, not what I look like!”
“She should pay the bill because I agreed to go out with her!”
“If he really cared, he would drop everything and jump on a plane to come see me immediately!”
“My money is mine. She can go jump off a cliff — or pay for herself!”
"I'm only single because all guys are jerks!"
"She should love me because ... because."
"I tried wearing heels in college. He should be into me even if I show up in sweats and sneakers. If not, that’s his loss!"
"Let her open her own door. She has a job and claims to be independent, so what the hell? If she doesn’t like it, too bad!"
And so it goes.
We whine and whimper. We see therapists/coaches/friends who hug us, whine and whimper with us, and tell us that everything will be alright.
I'm telling you the truth. It’s not. And it won’t be.
Because in order for that to happen, we need to actually get off your ass and DO SOMETHING. But, alas, we don’t know what to do. Because everyone is afraid to say something so as not to hurt our feelings. Because they, in turn, don’t want to feel bad about themselves for hurting our feelings.
And so it swirls in a vicious circle of self-pity.
You blame the world. The world is afraid to say something. You take that as the world’s admission of guilt for your own mistakes — and therefore, you believe, the world should fix it. Not you. You are NOT fat ... or lazy ... or complacent.
You are perfect. And single.
And it's not your fault.
Marina is a renown Dating Coach based in New York City. Through her proven dating techniques and methods she has helped many amazing singles create the opportunity for a perfect relationship. Marina believes that dating should be fun and effortless; and, perhaps more importantly, it should put you on the path of finding a soul mate.
If your love life is stuck in a rut; if you seem to be attracting the wrong people — or no people at all, contact New York Socials today at email@example.com and be on your way to your forever-after.