The truth hurts, but you need it!
Frederich Nietzsche once said: "Sometimes people don't want to hear the truth because they don't want their illusions destroyed."
The man was spot on. As a matchmaker, I work with a lot of women who complain about attracting the 'wrong' men, or no men at all. All of these women want me to tell them why. And by that, I mean, they want me to tell them LIES. Lies about how they're perfect and all men are giant jerks. They don't really want to hear the truth.
And the truth is, ladies, if you keep striking out with men —YOU are doing something wrong.
That’s right — I went there! And I'll go there again and again, until I can teach all of my clients to date smartly in order to find Mr. Right.
It’s like being in a 12-step program: To find a path to recovery, you must first admit that you have a problem. Only then can you work to fix it. Otherwise, you'll just repeat bad behavior over and over again and be right back where you are today, asking why you are still single and what's wrong with men that they don’t see what a total package you are.
It is my job, as a matchmaker and dating coach, to make you understand what is TRULY wrong with your situation. And, yes, in the process, I may point out things that don't feel great to hear.
What makes me an expert? Men. I speak to scores of them every single day and receive feedback from them that's extremely beneficial to you, but ONLY if you're willing to listen.
So, if you think I’m being a harsh bitch with attitude, you can stop reading now, because none of this will not get any prettier. However, if you're serious about finding love, here are some of the lies about men that you MUST abandon:
1. "Men are not interested in me as a person. They just want sex."
Yes, ladies. Men are sexual beings, very often driven by their desires. Yes, they will have sex with a woman just because she's attractive. However, a man looking for a relationship (as opposed to a one-night-stand) is also looking for substance.
Do you have it? What do you bring to the table? Are you a passionate about something? Anything? Do you have hobbies, interests or issues that drive you?
If not, then yes, men will sleep with you and dump you first chance they get for someone who is equally pretty and good in bed. The difference is — this someone will captivate their attention and hold it. Can you do that?
2. "Men are not interested in women with children."
True, some men are not. In most cases, however, if a man is into you — and is totally smitten — he does not care if you have children, pets or farm animals. He will accept you as you are and will work around your family situation.
The key here, however, is that he must be into you. If not, he will use any excuse to get away — including children.
3. "Men do not want smart women. They want someone pretty and dumb to elevate their own ego."
Wrong. When men are looking for a relationship, they search for women who are their intellectual equals. What they don’t want, however, is a competition. They don’t want women who are consistently trying to get one up on them.
So, if you are looking to battle IQs, I suggest you become a contestant on Jeopardy. Otherwise, please feel free to have as many philosophical discourses as you please, as long as you remember to keep them as dialogue and not lectures or confrontations. If you have to PROVE your intelligence to him, he’s not the man for you.
4. "My soulmate will love me as I am. I should not have to put in any extra effort."
Not exactly. In order for him to become your soulmate — he has to get past the first (and, perhaps, second or third) impression. Heterosexual men like feminine women. So, if your comfort zone includes sweatpants and sneakers, you'll need to put in the extra effort of making yourself look ladylike and sexy.
I am not talking about plunging necklines and uber-short skirts. There is a fine line between sexy and sleazy. However, having your hair and make up done, along with some killer stilettos have never scared off a man.
After all, would you wear your pajamas pants to a job interview? Yet a date, in many ways, is more important. You're interviewing a man for a role of a potential husband. Would you like him to show up looking like he just rolled out of bed?
5. "Men discriminate against older women."
Yes, many men prefer younger women. And yet, many of them won’t even bother thinking about your age if they like you. Most men don’t dissect their dates. When they like the total package (i.e. look, attitude, intelligence), age becomes nothing but a number.
What men dislike, however, is women who consider and present themselves as old. If your subject of conversations centers around medical ailments and work problems, you may wish to consider changing that.
Although it is impossible to lump all men into one stereotype, I can affirm with a great degree of certainty that most men like women who are confident and poised. Be comfortable in your own skin, and then you can find a man to compliment that.
Most importantly, ladies, remember: dating should feel effortless and fun.
If you find yourself stressing out over finding a guy, take a step back. Take a breath and evaluate, objectively, what you are doing wrong. Most of the time, it’s all in the attitude!
Marina is a renown Dating Coach based in New York City. Through her proven dating techniques and methods she has helped many amazing singles create the opportunity for a perfect relationship. If you seem to be attracting the wrong people —or no people at all, contact New York Socials today at email@example.com and be on your way to your forever-after.