Why is it the first thing you think of when your lover says he has to travel on business is "What about me?" Why is that narcissistic yelp the first thing out of your mouth? Why, no matter how good your relationship is, do you instantly visualize abandonment?
I'm washing my dog at one of those do-it-yourself places, and in the tub next to me is a St. Bernard, whose owners are having this not-too-happy discussion. The guy is saying "But it's just for 3 weeks, honey," and Honey is saying "But I'll miss you," "And I'll miss you too," says the guy, "but this is a great opportunity," and Honey says "I know, but I'll miss you," in this plaintive tone of voice. There’s a long moment of silent St. Bernard washing. Finally the guy says, "Look, I gotta do this, OK?"
There it is. That awful fear that if you're "out of sight" you're somehow "out of mind" and he'll run off with the first cutie who does the slow eye-dance with him.
When really, the question that should pop into your mind is: How do you stay connected? How do you keep your love alive across the miles?
Here's how: Don't begrudge your lover his opportunity. If it's great for him, it's great for you. Jump up and down at how thrilled you are. Help your lover dream the benefits of this opportunity, help him strategize how to make the most of it, cheer him on to his success.
In other words, share the opportunity with your lover. "United we stand, divided we fall" is more than just an historical quote.
When you talk while he's out of town, spend more time on "How's it going" than on "Are you missing me?" Shared experience is what makes a relationship. Share his, and watch the miles between you – disappear.
More at www.yourmaniswonderful.com.blog.