Community Blog: How (And Why) To Truly Forgive Your Spouse

By YourTango

Community Blog: How (And Why) To Truly Forgive Your Spouse

Responsibility is your willingness and ability to respond to that for which you are accountable. Responsibility relies on your willingness to understand, rather than judge or blame. Instead of coming to your partner not with "How dare you!" even if that's what you are feeling, talk to him about "I'm confused. Please help me understand why you chose to buy the TV, etc." Your job then is to listen with an open mind and an open heart.

Your spouse may say "I feel like I'm giving, giving, giving, all the time. There's no place for me. I agree I was wrong not to talk with you about it first. I figured you'd say "no way" so I just did it. I'm sorry." You can step up to your responsibility by saying "I didn't realize you felt that way. It's my turn to be sorry. Let's figure out a different budget. What ideas do you have?"

From understanding how each of you feel, you can look at your problems as issues to be worked out, not daggers in the heart. There's something real behind each of your "I'm sorry"—and now you can wholeheartedly forgive.
Which means you can wholeheartedly give thanks. For this relationship, this mate, with whom you can engage in honest conversation, with whom you can build a worthwhile life, bumps and hurdles notwithstanding. With whom you can have—a true Holiday.

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