Men want to know from women: if you don't want me staring at your body, why are you dressed so that major parts of it are showing? Everything we do and wear communicates something — and lots of today's women are sending a loud message to men, but is it the right one?
Are you really wearing that? Cleavage and belly buttons exposed do not serve women. It almost guarantees that they will be appreciated for their bodies and not for who they are; that they will be objectified rather than seen as intelligent and accomplished.
Young women today seem to wear less and less, emulating their favorite music and Hollywood icons. What this really reveals is rampant insecurity — the desire for male attention so raw and obvious that it makes everyone around them uncomfortable. Good guys — fathers, boys, and adult men — are forced to work to avert their eyes. Only the predators benefit — you know who they are because they openly stare right before they make their moves. So, you might ask, why do women and girls dress that way? Here's one theory.
Look At Me — I'm Powerful!
When a woman has a nice body, and dresses to show it off, she feels wanted and in control, and that feels like power. The yearning for power is a basic human instinct and if you don't know how to claim personal power in other ways, sex is an easy fall back.
Sex As the Main Event
Being wanted sexually isn't very powerful if that's the main event. Typically you're left in a weakened state, wanting a relationship with the back walking away. No woman really feels great about herself when she's been used for sex rather than being loved.
Sexuality & Power
It appears that sexuality and power go together because we see so much body exposure by women who are famous and successful in the entertainment world. Subliminally it feels like emulating that behavior would result in the same kind of power, but it doesn't. The big difference is that those women are being paid lots of money to do what they do, and we all know that money is power in the material world. But they get to go home and dress normally and choose their relationships on a different basis.
Pretty Woman – Revised
As a woman, you can be powerfully attractive without being overtly sexual. It takes a bit of finesse to move beyond the obvious and easy — the revealing attire. Shift your focus to the inner work of building your self esteem; how? Get involved in something that matters — nothing feels better or makes you feel more valuable than making a difference in the world in some way — large or small.
Next focus on hair (great color and cut, products that add silk and shine), eyes (artfully applied enhancements that compliment your eye shape and color), color (clothes that make your skin glow), and accessories. Once you get the hang of it (and perhaps with the help of a professional make-over), you'll find no shortage of male attention. You'll be a standout because your power is more subtle, attracting the guys who want to know you on a deeper level. Your power will be lasting because you will feel good about you.
About the author: Nina Atwood, M.Ed., LPC, is a nationally known psychotherapist, author of five self-help books, and frequent expert media guest. Read the book that will transform your life and your relationships with men: Temptations of the Single Girl: The Ten Dating Traps You Must Avoid. To successfully date online, get Nina’s $0.99 cent eBook Internet Dating for the Savvy Single. Get loads of free advice and Love Strategies at www.singlescoach.com.
More Dating Advice from YourTango: