What a Better Marriage? Stop Touching

By

What a Better Marriage? Stop Touching
If you’re single and searching for Mr. Right, touching too soon can break your budding romance.

Really great relationships are chosen on multiple levels: emotionally, physically, spiritually, and intellectually. By far the weakest of the four choice-makers is the intellectual. The science of the brain tells us that when we make important decisions that impact our lives, we first make them emotionally, and then we explain them logically. In dating relationships, putting off touch and sex empowers the intellectual choice-maker to do its work first, rather than the other way around.

So if you want a great marriage down the road, stop touching – for a while. One researcher at the University of Ottowa, Dr. Martin Rovers, advises putting off touch for three months. I advise putting off sex for three to six months. How do you accomplish that? When he asks you out and offers to pick you up at your home, counter offer to meet him at a public venue. When he invites you over for a home-cooked meal at his place, counter offer a picnic date to which you both contribute food. Meet him at that venue. Minimize alcohol. Keep up that pattern for as long as you have intellectually decided you will avoid sex. Use the time to interview him, asking questions about his past relationships.

 

And here’s a novel idea: communicate. Tell him that your first priority is getting to know each other really well, minus sex. Tell him that your goal is a committed relationship leading to marriage with the right guy; don’t know if that is you at this point, but that’s why we’re dating. The players will scram and the serious, good guys will view you with increased respect and desire. Try it out for a few months and see what happens.

About the author: Nina Atwood, M.Ed., LPC, is a nationally known psychotherapist, author of five self-help books, and frequent expert media guest. Read the transformational book that will change your life and your relationships with men: Temptations of the Single Girl: The Ten Dating Traps You Must Avoid. To successfully date online, get Nina's $0.99 eBook Internet Dating for the Savvy Single. Learn how to communicate effectively with your mate with Soul Talk: Powerful, Positive Communication for a Loving Partnership. Get loads of free advice and Love Strategies at www.singlescoach.com.

Article contributed by

Nina Atwood

Author

Nina Atwood, M.Ed., LPC
The Singlescoach®
Visit my website for FREE resources!
Visit my author page on amazon.com
Love Strategies Internet Radio
 

Location: Dallas, TX
Credentials: LPC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support
Other Articles/News by Nina Atwood:

Single For The Holidays? How To Be Happy And Make The Most Of It

By

It is that time of year again—holiday music playing, parties and merry-making, couples strolling along laughing, family, and all the trimmings. If you are not in a relationship, all the holiday trappings in the world may not stave off your feelings of loneliness. Being the only single at parties, you may be the odd man out (or odd woman out). What can you ... Read more

4 Types Of Men You Are NEVER Going To Change (So Stop Trying)

By

Before you dedicate yourself to changing a man, take a look at these four types of unchangeable men. Chances are, the tiger you want to run through your "love of a good woman" rehab has no chance of ever changing his stripes. There are four general categories of dating pain that you may encounter from different types of men. One is a potential ... Read more

Eek! It's The Holidays and I'm Single!

By

Sixteen years ago, the holidays came around but I was not in a festive mood. Everywhere I looked, there were constant reminders of what was supposed to be happening in my life: happy couples strolling along in the mall, television commercials featuring the guy giving the girl a gorgeous diamond ring, not to mention those holiday songs of love. I was divorced, ... Read more

See More

 
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular