She's Doing Threesomes & He's Doing Lonesome

By

She's Doing Threesomes & He's Doing Lonesome
Learn why you must date only those who share your values and sexual boundares!

One of the biggest myths in our culture that is still doing damage today is this one: “Sex is just sex. It’s about physical pleasure and nothing more. Anyone can engage in sex with another person and it is no more meaningful than eating chocolate ice cream for pleasure.” This is pure hogwash, promoted primarily by the Playboy mentality of sexuality that flourished in the 1960s and is still prevalent. Here’s the reality: Sex is about three things: procreation, connection, and pleasure.

The pleasure part is how we were created so that we would be motivated to procreate. Makes sense, doesn’t it? If it didn’t feel so gosh darn good, and if we didn’t have hormones that create a powerful drive to have sex, our species would have died out long ago. Procreation is the deepest of all the biological drives. Without it, life simply would not flourish on this planet.

The connection part is what is so confusing to some people. We are wired to seek to bond with our sexual partners. That is what guides us to form families, the system inside of which children have the greatest opportunity to flourish. Seeking to have sex without love goes against the emotional, familial, and spiritual impulses that make us uniquely human. 3 Steps To Strengthen Your Love Connection

Yes, the physical, animal self is fully capable of having sex just for pleasure, without attaching deeply. But over time, the "sex without love" person becomes emotionally numb, cut off from the ability to attach and form a lasting commitment. The “pleasure principle” of sexuality, it turns out, isn’t so pleasureable in the long run. I have the case files over a twenty five year career to prove it.

If you want a real relationship, know your sexual boundaries and don’t compromise them. Aim for keeping sex special, to be thoroughly enjoyed in the context of a loving relationship. Avoid the Temptation to Get Sexual Too Soon. Date only those who share your values and sexual boundares. You will be healthier, happier, and on the path to a wonderful lifetime relationship.
 

For More Juicy Sex Advice:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Nina Atwood

Author

Nina Atwood, M.Ed., LPC
The Singlescoach®
Visit my website for FREE resources!
Visit my author page on amazon.com
Love Strategies Internet Radio
 

Location: Dallas, TX
Credentials: LPC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support
Other Articles/News by Nina Atwood:

Why You Need To Ask Your Date Awkward Questions

By

A common dating mistake is try to read someone’s behavior with no context. The context I’m talking about is “life context,” meaning the person’s personal relationship history. How do you find out someone’s “life context”? By asking lots of personal, even intrusive, questions. Sometimes people say, “but ... Read more

Mixed Signals in Dating: Drawing Conclusions in a Vacuum

By

Unilateral decision making is a huge mistake in relationships. What does that mean? In dating, it means trying to draw conclusions about someone’s thoughts, feelings, and intentions minus feedback. Carry this habit forward into marriage and one day someone comes home from work to find the furniture moved and a divorce petition in the front ... Read more

Straighten Out Mixed Signals

By

If you have a tendency to hold back your thoughts and feelings when you are dating because you are hoping that the other person’s behavior will eventually reveal the truth, you need to learn to speak up. Ask, reflect, give your perspective, clarify, listen, push back when it doesn’t make sense. In short, open the dialog and keep it open until you ... Read more

See More

GET MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS IN YOUR INBOX!

Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Stories we love
FROM AROUND THE WEB