She's Doing Threesomes & He's Doing Lonesome

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She's Doing Threesomes & He's Doing Lonesome
Learn why you must date only those who share your values and sexual boundares!

One of the biggest myths in our culture that is still doing damage today is this one: “Sex is just sex. It’s about physical pleasure and nothing more. Anyone can engage in sex with another person and it is no more meaningful than eating chocolate ice cream for pleasure.” This is pure hogwash, promoted primarily by the Playboy mentality of sexuality that flourished in the 1960s and is still prevalent. Here’s the reality: Sex is about three things: procreation, connection, and pleasure.

The pleasure part is how we were created so that we would be motivated to procreate. Makes sense, doesn’t it? If it didn’t feel so gosh darn good, and if we didn’t have hormones that create a powerful drive to have sex, our species would have died out long ago. Procreation is the deepest of all the biological drives. Without it, life simply would not flourish on this planet.

The connection part is what is so confusing to some people. We are wired to seek to bond with our sexual partners. That is what guides us to form families, the system inside of which children have the greatest opportunity to flourish. Seeking to have sex without love goes against the emotional, familial, and spiritual impulses that make us uniquely human. 3 Steps To Strengthen Your Love Connection

Yes, the physical, animal self is fully capable of having sex just for pleasure, without attaching deeply. But over time, the "sex without love" person becomes emotionally numb, cut off from the ability to attach and form a lasting commitment. The “pleasure principle” of sexuality, it turns out, isn’t so pleasureable in the long run. I have the case files over a twenty five year career to prove it.

If you want a real relationship, know your sexual boundaries and don’t compromise them. Aim for keeping sex special, to be thoroughly enjoyed in the context of a loving relationship. Avoid the Temptation to Get Sexual Too Soon. Date only those who share your values and sexual boundares. You will be healthier, happier, and on the path to a wonderful lifetime relationship.
 

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Article contributed by
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Nina Atwood

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Nina Atwood, M.Ed., LPC
The Singlescoach®
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Location: Dallas, TX
Credentials: LPC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support
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