Tool number two is to date with a strong intention to meet your right partner and move forward into marriage. Don't give in to the temptation to deny your true desires. Be proud that you want the real thing—commitment, marriage, and family. If the relationship doesn't meet your basic criteria early on, move on! Intention draws people in, desperation pushes them away.
The other huge issue is independence. Marin shared that as soon as a guy gets close, she "pulls up her independence socks" and leaves, fearful that he will not respect her independent nature. Then there's the flip side; if you are strong and you date someone who is looking for a caretaker, you may have a need to be with someone who "needs" you. That can feel like false security—if he needs you, he’s less likely to leave you.
Insecurity is the real issue with the commitment avoidant. You are fearful of settling, fearful of rejection for being who you are (independent), and fearful of making a big mistake. The "independent socks" you are pulling up are really the socks you put on with your running shoes. F.E.A.R. is driving you away from new men and false evidence, such as "he won't like my independence" and other self-created assumptions, are appearing real. 3 Fears That Keep You Single
The healing for anyone experiencing these dynamics is finding the courage to stay until you really know what you have or do not have with someone. It is trusting yourself to know when something is unhealthy and to leave when it is truly appropriate, not out of the fear of rejection.
Tool number three is to develop and trust your "inner compass"—that part of you that knows, deep down, when something is right for you or not. Look for strong men to date and be willing to take the risk that it might not work out. By taking the risk of dating someone who is your equal, and hanging in there, you will find your own emotional security and that will lead you into a healthy, loving connection. Get coaching to help you make these discernments along the way and have support to stay in the game.