Becoming sexual with a partner typically means that the choosing is over for her, and the chasing is over for him. Your bond is deeper and the choice is more real if you've taken the time to really know one another prior to sex.
The other issue is emotional insecurity. Sex-too-soon often causes women to feel insecure and men to steer away from the perception of neediness. She wakes up the next day believing they're in a relationship, while he may feel that he's still checking her out. The bottom line: putting off sex with a new partner — for weeks, if not months — helps you pave the way for a more loving experience.
3. Your choice of partner. Postponing sex increases the likelihood of making a better choice of partner, and that is especially true for women. Studies show that women in particular, following sex, experience significant increases of oxytocin, a hormone that promotes bonding. That is why you can choose a sexual partner thinking it is going to be "fun and games" but wake up the next day craving validation that you are in a relationship.
Because sexual bonding tends to cloud judgment, putting off sex gives you a better shot at remaining somewhat objective, and thus more capable of evaluating a potential partner. The whole point of dating and relating is to choose a good partner, someone to love and be loved by, with whom you share values and want the same outcomes in life.
Sex is a wonderful shared experience in a loving, committed relationship. To get to that experience, you may have to rein in your hormones, practice delayed gratification, and use your rational brain to make choices. But the reward may well be worth the wait!
Nina Atwood, M.Ed., LPC, is a nationally known psychotherapist, author of five self-help books, and frequent expert media guest. Read the transformational book that will change your life and your relationships with men: Temptations of the Single Girl: The Ten Dating Traps You Must Avoid. To successfully date online, get Nina's $0.99 eBook Internet Dating for the Savvy Single. Learn how to communicate effectively with your mate with Soul Talk: Powerful, Positive Communication for a Loving Partnership. Get loads of free advice and Love Strategies at www.singlescoach.com.