Is He Afraid To Commit? It Might Be Time To Leave

By

Is He Afraid To Commit? It Might Be Time To Leave
You want a partner that is equally committed.

"I’ve recently ended a loving, healthy relationship (after three years of dating) due to my partner’s unwillingness to make a long-term commitment. This was someone I deeply loved who was right for me in many ways, and I am struggling to understand why this has happened and what I need to do to go forward. How do I come to terms with this loss so that my heart is open in the future and I can move on to something even better?" – Jennifer

First of all, I acknowledge you for doing something that takes tremendous courage and strength. You tackled the temptation to settle for less than a truly good relationship and you are now in a transition process.

 

Commitment in a long-term relationship is essential to the health and well-being of both partners. Knowing that you are with someone who loves you deeply and who places the relationship at top priority gives you emotional safety to deal with the problems and issues that invariably come up.

Commitment draws a boundary around the relationship, making it a safe refuge from the ups and downs of the world. It says, in essence, that we treasure our connection and are willing to do whatever we can to protect, nurture and maintain it. With that comes a reduction of fear and an increase in safety that allows both people to be themselves, speak their truth and negotiate their needs with respect and love.

Without a real commitment, fear runs rampant, setting off reactions that act as a destructive force to your connection. If you can’t be really sure that you’re there for each other and firmly anchored in the relationship, then your hearts cannot be open and vulnerable. You will perpetually hold yourselves back, unable or unwilling to really connect. This will starve your relationship of its lifeblood, which is the love and nurturing that are the whole purpose in being together.

Recognizing that you were not getting that kind of commitment from your partner and ending the relationship sends a powerful message to your unconscious, which is that you will not accept anything less than a loving, truly committed relationship with the right partner. Even though you are in pain now, you have taken a stand that will move you in the direction of a complete relationship. 

When we stop accepting "less than," we open the door for much more. You certainly have grief and loss to move through. Take the time that you need for this process. Remind yourself frequently that as good as this relationship was, there is another level of rewarding connection that happens when you and your partner are equally committed. Your heart will naturally open up once again as you become comfortable with the knowledge that you are willing to stand up for yourself, even in the face of tremendous loss, in order to ensure your emotional health and well-being.

Trust in yourself, continue to practice self-care and you will be able to trust others again and thus create an even better relationship in the future. Be sure and read Temptations of the Single Girl so that you can re-write your process for dating and catch these incomplete relationships much more quickly, say "next!" and swiftly move on!

About the author: Nina Atwood, M.Ed., LPC, is a nationally known psychotherapist, author of five self-help books, and frequent expert media guest. Read Nina’s transformational books; for women: Temptations of the Single Girl: The Ten Dating Traps You Must Avoid, and for men: Date Like a CEO: Leadership in Life and Love for Men. To successfully date online, get Nina’s $0.99 cent eBook Internet Dating for the Savvy Single. Get loads of free advice at www.singlescoach.com.

This article was originally published at Love Strategies with Nina Atwood, the Singlescoach. Reprinted with permission.

More Love advice on YourTango: 

Article contributed by

Nina Atwood

Author

Nina Atwood, M.Ed., LPC
The Singlescoach®
Visit my website for FREE resources!
Visit my author page on amazon.com
Love Strategies Internet Radio
 

Location: Dallas, TX
Credentials: LPC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support
Other Articles/News by Nina Atwood:

4 Guy Types to Rehab, or Not

By

Before you dedicate yourself to changing a guy, take a look at these guy types. The one you want to rehab may be the one you can’t. There are four general categories of guy dating pain that you may encounter. One is a potential salvage job, one is potentially dangerous, and two are projects that you could spend a lifetime on and get nowhere. ... Read more

Eek! It's The Holidays and I'm Single!

By

Sixteen years ago, the holidays came around but I was not in a festive mood. Everywhere I looked, there were constant reminders of what was supposed to be happening in my life: happy couples strolling along in the mall, television commercials featuring the guy giving the girl a gorgeous diamond ring, not to mention those holiday songs of love. I was divorced, ... Read more

Dumper Vs. Dumpee: 5 Ways BOTH Sides Struggle After A Breakup

By

In every breakup there are two roles: the dumper and the dumpee. Put it another way, the person who actually says "I'm outta here," and the person who is left behind. Sometimes, we try to save face by agreeing that it's over when the other person says they're leaving. But, almost always there is one person who is the first to throw in ... Read more

See More

 
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular