If you have a tendency to hold back your thoughts and feelings when you are dating because you are hoping that the other person’s behavior will eventually reveal the truth, you need to learn to speak up. Ask, reflect, give your perspective, clarify, listen, push back when it doesn’t make sense. In short, open the dialog and keep it open until you get that solid feeling in your gut that says "I get it!"
Read my books and listen to my tapes for all the tools for communicating powerfully as you date and decide.
Watch out for your own agenda.
If you’re feeling anxious about the relationship; if you’re investing too much hope that this one is "the one," and you don’t feel like you can easily let go if it's not, then your personal agenda will act like earplugs. You won't want to hear what you need to hear, and that places you in emotional danger. If this is you, then take a step back and get real with yourself if you want a more fulfilling life. Sit down and do a personal inventory of past relationships, looking for how your own agenda may have interfered with seeing the reality of where you stood with the other person.
If you see a pattern of turning a blind eye and a deaf ear to the truth with people, it's time to make a significant internal change. It's time to develop a solid core within yourself that assures you that you will be OK regardless of the timing of finding that right person. When you trust you to pick yourself back up, to recover and go forward after a deep disappointment and loss, then you are ready for the truth. When you are more committed to self-care than you are to romance, then you are ready for the truth. Self-care and a commitment to emotional health unplugs your ears and un the power of listening and understanding. Mixed signals get straight, you get clear, and your life takes off in a new, much more positive direction.
About the author: Nina Atwood, M.Ed., LPC, is a nationally known psychotherapist, author of five self-help books, and frequent expert media guest. Read Nina's transformational books; for women: Temptations of the Single Girl: The Ten Dating Traps You Must Avoid, and for men: Date Like a CEO: Leadership in Life and Love for Men. To successfully date online, get Nina's $0.99 eBook Internet Dating for the Savvy Single. Get loads of free advice at www.singlescoach.com.
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