Mixed Signals in Dating: Overanalyzing the Clues

By

Mixed Signals in Dating: Overanalyzing the Clues

Viv’s question in the last post highlights another common dating mistake: overanalyzing others’ behavior to try to figure out what they’re thinking and feeling. Carrie and friends in Sex and the City did this constantly. First, the long descriptors of his every action, word, facial expression, and body language. Then, the dissecting. What does it mean? What does he mean? What does it mean for our future? Do we have a future?

Overanalyzing is a way to stay emotionally safe. In the comfort of the company of good friends, it’s safe to examine his behavior. There’s no emotional risk in having a conversation with someone else about the person you’re unsure of. He’s not there to tell you the truth, to reveal his honest feelings and thoughts.

 

Relationships are risky, there’s no doubt about it. The more we let down the emotional walls, allow intimacy (“into me see”), the more it hurts if things don’t work out. We invest in relationships sometimes not knowing whether that investment will pay off. Yet, if we want the rewards of real love, we must take risk. To make an omelette, you have to crack some eggs.

The pay-off in taking some emotional risk is in personal growth, strengthening of the “emotional muscle” of loving and being loved. It’s in developing emotional intelligence about life and love.

There’s a smart way to take risk in dating and there’s a not-so-smart way.  Paradoxically, the more you hold back your perceptions, not asking relevant questions about where you stand with someone, while overanalyzing with your friends, the more you set yourself up to get hurt. As time goes on and you spend time with someone, bonds strengthen. You can’t afford to bond further with someone without knowing where you stand, and the key to that is taking emotional risk by engaging in open, honest communication.

About the author: Nina Atwood, M.Ed., LPC, is a nationally known psychotherapist, author of five self-help books, and frequent expert media guest. Read Nina’s transformational books; for women: Temptations of the Single Girl: The Ten Dating Traps You Must Avoid, and for men: Date Like a CEO: Leadership in Life and Love for Men. To successfully date online, get Nina’s $0.99 cent eBook Internet Dating for the Savvy Single. Get loads of free advice at www.singlescoach.com.

This article was originally published at singlescoach.com. Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by

Nina Atwood

Author

Nina Atwood, M.Ed., LPC
The Singlescoach®
Visit my website for FREE resources!
Visit my author page on amazon.com
Love Strategies Internet Radio
 

Location: Dallas, TX
Credentials: LPC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support
Other Articles/News by Nina Atwood:

Holidays for Singles—Odd Girl Out

By

It is that time of year again—holiday music playing, parties and merry-making, couples strolling along laughing, family, and all the trimmings. If you are not in a relationship, all the holiday trappings in the world may not stave off your feelings of loneliness. At parties, you may be the odd man out (or odd woman out). What can you do besides turn into ... Read more

4 Types Of Men You Want To Change ... But Can You?

By

Before you dedicate yourself to changing a guy, take a look at these guy types. The one you want to rehab may be the one you can't. There are four general categories of dating pain that you may encounter from different types of men. One is a potential salvageable, one is potentially dangerous, and two are projects that you could spend a lifetime on and ... Read more

Eek! It's The Holidays and I'm Single!

By

Sixteen years ago, the holidays came around but I was not in a festive mood. Everywhere I looked, there were constant reminders of what was supposed to be happening in my life: happy couples strolling along in the mall, television commercials featuring the guy giving the girl a gorgeous diamond ring, not to mention those holiday songs of love. I was divorced, ... Read more

See More

 
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular