It would have been far more powerful and effective for Kim to have taken lots of time between relationships to reflect on her role in the demise of past loves. Kim might, for instance, consider how rapidly she falls in and out of love. If she were introspective enough, she might conclude that she doesn't heed the signs of real compatibility well enough. She might realize that falling in love is not the same as really loving someone.
While we don't know for sure, we can bet that Kim wastes little to no time in the earliest stages of relationships before getting sexually intimate. Chances are, she leaps into an intense sexual and emotional bond, leaving little room to get to know someone first, which is a huge problem because it means that both individuals invest in the relationship rather than investing in the longer-term process of discovery that it takes to choose a lifetime partner. The whole thing is a done deal within a couple of weeks.
Kim also seems to seek dramatic highs punctuated by dramatic lows. She has seemingly never experienced what it is like to be with the same person after all the media hype dies down, when life settles into a routine. For someone like Kim, settling into a routine without media attention might feel like boredom, and boredom is one thing she doesn't tolerate well. People like Kim thrive on drama and attention. However, if she wants a lasting relationship, she will have to learn to deal with that kind of boredom.
To be clear, by boredom I mean the daily routine of living life together once the intense, early passion diminishes. Couples who stay together find a multitude of ways to enjoy life beyond the early stages of intense passion. They share common interests, they form a home and family together and they find fulfillment and joy in the little things that draw them close emotionally and spiritually. They do not seek intense highs and lows.
For the sake of their unborn baby, I hope that Kim and Kanye's relationship thrives and that they discover the joy of lasting love. But while we hope for the best and we'll celebrate their success if they make it last, we certainly shouldn't imitate their path. Instead, we should take dating more seriously than Kim does. After all, it's a serious endeavor to find the right person with whom to share your life. To increase the liklelihood of lasting love, take your time getting to know someone before you have sex, and be intentional about what you want in a relationship.
Nina Atwood, M.Ed., LPC, is a nationally known psychotherapist, author of five self-help books, and frequent expert media guest. Read the transformational book that will change your life and your relationships with men: Temptations of the Single Girl: The Ten Dating Traps You Must Avoid. To successfully date online, get Nina’s $0.99 cent eBook Internet Dating for the Savvy Single. Learn how to communicate effectively with your mate with Soul Talk: Powerful, Positive Communication for a Loving Partnership. Get loads of free advice and Love Strategies at www.singlescoach.com.