Overcoming Infidelity: 6 Tips To Make It Work

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Overcoming Infidelity: 6 Tips To Make It Work [EXPERT]
Allegedly, K-Stew and R-Pats are getting back together. If they can do it, so can you. Here's how!

This week's hot Hollywood news is that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart may be getting back together following her "indiscretion" with director Rupert Sanders.

... and why not? An affair doesn't have to be the end of a relationship. In fact, it can be a new beginning, bringing a couple closer than ever.

 

But, there are things to watch out for along the way if you want a healthy, lasting relationship post-infidelity. Here are six pieces of advice  for Robert and Kristen and all couples in this situation. Lets start with him:

1. Understand the reality of this affair. It does make a difference if she had sex with Rupert Sanders or not. Most of the reports claim that Kristen did not have sex with him. If she didn't have sex with the other guy, it is still infidelity, but not nearly as damaging.

If she did have sex with him, that is really difficult to get over, but it can be done if it isn't a behavioral pattern. The rule of thumb with affairs is this: if it happens once, you can get over it. If it happens twice or more, it's a pattern, and you can't get over it because it will happen again. 5 Dating Tips To Avoid A Divorce

2. Make a decision about her character. If you believe that she's fundamentally untrustworthy, move on. You will always feel like you're settling and she will feel like she can never prove herself.

However, if you believe that she made this one mistake, but overall you know her to be a person of integrity and someone you can trust, then embrace the person you know her to be. Set aside the mind-chatter about what she did with this guy and return to your previous mindset of who she is — a woman you can trust and love.

Guard your thoughts and feelings about her and never let yourself doubt her again. Your love and trust will lift her up and she will shine.

3. Take responsibility for your side of this. You didn't cause her behavior, but affairs are often a symptom of underlying issues in the relationship that have not been addressed.

Look hard in the mirror and ask yourself what, if anything, you may have done or not done that contributed to her seeking intimacy with another man. If you can work on your side of the fence, it will only strengthen your relationship going forward. Why Women Relate To 'Fifty Shades Of Grey'

Now, here are three tips for Kristen:

1. Fix the underlying issue. First of all, kudos to you. For the public apology and for being responsible and accountable. Now, your job is to assess what drove the behavior in the first place. Some possible causes are emotional insecurity driving you to seek constant adoration from a male, lack of communication in your primary relationship or serious doubts about your primary relationship that you didn't want to confront.

More cheating advice from YourTango:

Article contributed by

Nina Atwood

Author

Nina Atwood, M.Ed., LPC
The Singlescoach®
Visit my website for FREE resources!
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Location: Dallas, TX
Credentials: LPC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support
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