4 Reasons to Date a Failure

By

4 Reasons to Date a Failure
Dating a relationship failure has its advantages - if they meet these 4 criteria.

I was sitting in one of my favorite restaurants when the owner (whom I’d chatted with many times) stopped at the table to share about his upcoming marriage. He’d met his soon-to-be wife just three months earlier, and was madly in love. They were both in their forties with children from previous marriages, so theirs would be a complicated union. But he was 100% positive that this was the most amazing relationship ever! Whoa, I thought. This is not going to be pretty.

Six months later, same restaurant, same guy, but now he looked absolutely beaten down. Within one month of their five star wedding, trouble blossomed. I won’t get into all the gory details, but the net of the story is that their marriage turned out to be incredibly short, and the battle through divorce court long and costly.

 

If you want a real chance at happiness the second (or third, or fourth) time around, inject a little pessimism in your plans. Talk about what would happen if . . . (you didn’t agree about money, your step kids didn’t get along with each other or with you, you felt insecure, one of you lost your job, your sex life began to wane). Talk about the built-in issues and emotional baggage you each bring to the relationship.

These forward looking, slightly pessimistic, conversations enable you to emotionally prepare for the inevitable road bumps. You also get the opportunity to preview one another’s style of conflict resolution.

Failures That Are Worth It

The old saying is that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Relationship failures really understand that. My husband and I are better partners for the mistakes we’ve made in the past. We are deeply grateful that we gave one another the chance. With healthy paranoia, ego correction, curiosity, and a small dose of pessimism, we’ve made it almost fourteen years and love each other more than ever. Cultivate these qualities in your self, look for them in your dates, and the failures you’ve had in the past may just turn out to be your best assets.

About the author: Nina Atwood, M.Ed., LPC, is a nationally known psychotherapist, author of five self-help books, and frequent expert media guest. Read the transformational book that will change your life and your relationships with men: Temptations of the Single Girl: The Ten Dating Traps You Must Avoid. To successfully date online, get Nina’s $0.99 cent eBook Internet Dating for the Savvy Single. Get loads of free advice and Love Strategies at www.singlescoach.com.

Article contributed by

Nina Atwood

Author

Nina Atwood, M.Ed., LPC
The Singlescoach®
Visit my website for FREE resources!
Visit my author page on amazon.com
Love Strategies Internet Radio
 

Location: Dallas, TX
Credentials: LPC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support
Other Articles/News by Nina Atwood:

Holidays for Singles—Odd Girl Out

By

It is that time of year again—holiday music playing, parties and merry-making, couples strolling along laughing, family, and all the trimmings. If you are not in a relationship, all the holiday trappings in the world may not stave off your feelings of loneliness. At parties, you may be the odd man out (or odd woman out). What can you do besides turn into ... Read more

4 Types Of Men You Want To Change ... But Can You?

By

Before you dedicate yourself to changing a guy, take a look at these guy types. The one you want to rehab may be the one you can't. There are four general categories of dating pain that you may encounter from different types of men. One is a potential salvageable, one is potentially dangerous, and two are projects that you could spend a lifetime on and ... Read more

Eek! It's The Holidays and I'm Single!

By

Sixteen years ago, the holidays came around but I was not in a festive mood. Everywhere I looked, there were constant reminders of what was supposed to be happening in my life: happy couples strolling along in the mall, television commercials featuring the guy giving the girl a gorgeous diamond ring, not to mention those holiday songs of love. I was divorced, ... Read more

See More

 
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular