4 Reasons to Date a Failure

By

4 Reasons to Date a Failure
Dating a relationship failure has its advantages - if they meet these 4 criteria.

I was sitting in one of my favorite restaurants when the owner (whom I’d chatted with many times) stopped at the table to share about his upcoming marriage. He’d met his soon-to-be wife just three months earlier, and was madly in love. They were both in their forties with children from previous marriages, so theirs would be a complicated union. But he was 100% positive that this was the most amazing relationship ever! Whoa, I thought. This is not going to be pretty.

Six months later, same restaurant, same guy, but now he looked absolutely beaten down. Within one month of their five star wedding, trouble blossomed. I won’t get into all the gory details, but the net of the story is that their marriage turned out to be incredibly short, and the battle through divorce court long and costly.

 

If you want a real chance at happiness the second (or third, or fourth) time around, inject a little pessimism in your plans. Talk about what would happen if . . . (you didn’t agree about money, your step kids didn’t get along with each other or with you, you felt insecure, one of you lost your job, your sex life began to wane). Talk about the built-in issues and emotional baggage you each bring to the relationship.

These forward looking, slightly pessimistic, conversations enable you to emotionally prepare for the inevitable road bumps. You also get the opportunity to preview one another’s style of conflict resolution.

Failures That Are Worth It

The old saying is that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Relationship failures really understand that. My husband and I are better partners for the mistakes we’ve made in the past. We are deeply grateful that we gave one another the chance. With healthy paranoia, ego correction, curiosity, and a small dose of pessimism, we’ve made it almost fourteen years and love each other more than ever. Cultivate these qualities in your self, look for them in your dates, and the failures you’ve had in the past may just turn out to be your best assets.

About the author: Nina Atwood, M.Ed., LPC, is a nationally known psychotherapist, author of five self-help books, and frequent expert media guest. Read the transformational book that will change your life and your relationships with men: Temptations of the Single Girl: The Ten Dating Traps You Must Avoid. To successfully date online, get Nina’s $0.99 cent eBook Internet Dating for the Savvy Single. Get loads of free advice and Love Strategies at www.singlescoach.com.

Article contributed by

Nina Atwood

Author

Nina Atwood, M.Ed., LPC
The Singlescoach®
Visit my website for FREE resources!
Visit my author page on amazon.com
Love Strategies Internet Radio
 

Location: Dallas, TX
Credentials: LPC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support
Other Articles/News by Nina Atwood:

Dumpers and Dumpees: Part One

By

In every breakup there are two roles: the Dumper and the Dumpee. Put it another way, the person who actually says “I’m outta here” and the person who is left behind. Sometimes we try to save face by agreeing that yes, it’s over, when the other person says they’re leaving. But almost always there is one person who is the first ... Read more

Are You Marrying Material?

By

When I was growing up, we were the only family in school that we knew about whose parents were divorced. It made us feel odd and different from others, stigmatized. Turns out we weren’t alone – many people from divorce felt that way growing up in the nineteen fifties and sixties. Now, being from a divorced family isn’t unusual, but you may ... Read more

Still Looking For Love? Why Casual Sex Won't Help You Find It

By

Far too many women today think it’s okay for men to send them sexually explicit texts and messages, or to send them to men, and that is a real problem. Like my colleague, Dr. Keith Ablow, I do not buy the notion that women and men are no different from one another when it comes to sex, and that the newfound freedom of women today to hook up frequently ... Read more

See More

 
PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular