4 Reasons to Date a Failure

By

4 Reasons to Date a Failure
Dating a relationship failure has its advantages - if they meet these 4 criteria.

Fourteen years ago when I met my husband, we were both failures. Relationship failures, that is. He was divorced twice and so was I. We were in our early forties, fearful of making another mistake, yet still hopeful that maybe this relationship would be the right one. We both had a healthy dose of skepticism, but we forged ahead. Good thing we did because meeting him has definitely turned out to be the best thing that has ever happened to me!

If you are single and over forty, odds are you have at least one big relationship failure in your life. Singles often ask me about the people they are dating and whether or not they are worth the risk. He’s been divorced and single for ten years. Is he ready? She’s never been married but lived with a guy for fifteen years. Does she have a problem with commitment?

The twice divorced person may look like a long shot, but it turns out that there are some real advantages to dating relationship failures - IF they meet these four criteria.

One: Healthy Paranoia

Anna is 41, in medical sales, and recently divorced. Her green eyes sparkle as she relates to me the enchanting story of meeting Doug through an online dating service. After one coffee date and one dinner date, she is wowed. “He’s the guy I’ve been looking for,” she gushes. She can hardly wait to introduce him to her family and friends. In her mind, she’s practically engaged to the guy, yet she knows almost nothing about him.

“When was his last serious relationship, and how did it end?” I query. She looks at me blankly. “Well, I know he was married a long time ago, and he’s been single a long time,” she trails off, frowning. She then takes up the narrative of how wonderful he is. I know now that she is in deep trouble as she rushes into this new relationship.

The person who has failed and learned from it is smart enough to have a healthy dose of skepticism about relationships. It’s easy and tempting to fall for the first attractive person who gives you attention. It’s much harder to hold back a little until you really understand the person sitting across from you.

Maybe you are skeptical, but do you look for that in others? It might pay to do so. Studies show that the longer you date before becoming engaged, the better your odds are of making a good match, especially if you are focused on making sure your values align.

A little bit of worry about making another mistake helps you pay attention to the warning signs of a relationship that isn’t going to be good for you. If the person you’re dating is also a bit worried about making a mistake, together you are more likely to ask good questions, discuss your values and life goals in depth, and look for real compatibility.

Two: Ego Correction

Article contributed by

Nina Atwood

Author

Nina Atwood, M.Ed., LPC
The Singlescoach®
Visit my website for FREE resources!
Visit my author page on amazon.com
Love Strategies Internet Radio
 

Location: Dallas, TX
Credentials: LPC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support
Other Articles/News by Nina Atwood:

R-E-S-P-E-C-T: Do You Get it in Your Relationship?

By

For years I’ve written about the importance of communication in dating - being able to open up and express what you really think and feel; listening to understand - so that you can really get to know the person you are thinking of spending your life with. New research shows that being able to open up about how you feel is vital to women’s ... Read more

Go With Your Gut And Listen To Your Emotional Red Flags

By

Cindy met Bill through her tennis club. He was charming, good-looking, and he swept her off her feet in a whirlwind courtship. Pushing for a quick marriage, he proposed after only two months. Though she felt a few flutters of anxiety, Cindy accepted, hoping for true love. Six months later, she deeply regretted the haste. Bill turned out to be both alcoholic and ... Read more

Money And Dating: How Much Do You Tell?

By

If there's one thing that tougher to talk about than sex (that's "talk about," not do), it's money! The top two reasons that couples divorce are often cited as sex and money. So why is it so difficult to discuss? One of the biggest relationship questions singles face is when to ask the dreaded money question. In dating, talking ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Most Popular