4 Reasons to Date a Failure

By

4 Reasons to Date a Failure
Dating a relationship failure has its advantages - if they meet these 4 criteria.

Fourteen years ago when I met my husband, we were both failures. Relationship failures, that is. He was divorced twice and so was I. We were in our early forties, fearful of making another mistake, yet still hopeful that maybe this relationship would be the right one. We both had a healthy dose of skepticism, but we forged ahead. Good thing we did because meeting him has definitely turned out to be the best thing that has ever happened to me!

If you are single and over forty, odds are you have at least one big relationship failure in your life. Singles often ask me about the people they are dating and whether or not they are worth the risk. He’s been divorced and single for ten years. Is he ready? She’s never been married but lived with a guy for fifteen years. Does she have a problem with commitment?

 

The twice divorced person may look like a long shot, but it turns out that there are some real advantages to dating relationship failures - IF they meet these four criteria.

One: Healthy Paranoia

Anna is 41, in medical sales, and recently divorced. Her green eyes sparkle as she relates to me the enchanting story of meeting Doug through an online dating service. After one coffee date and one dinner date, she is wowed. “He’s the guy I’ve been looking for,” she gushes. She can hardly wait to introduce him to her family and friends. In her mind, she’s practically engaged to the guy, yet she knows almost nothing about him.

“When was his last serious relationship, and how did it end?” I query. She looks at me blankly. “Well, I know he was married a long time ago, and he’s been single a long time,” she trails off, frowning. She then takes up the narrative of how wonderful he is. I know now that she is in deep trouble as she rushes into this new relationship.

The person who has failed and learned from it is smart enough to have a healthy dose of skepticism about relationships. It’s easy and tempting to fall for the first attractive person who gives you attention. It’s much harder to hold back a little until you really understand the person sitting across from you.

Maybe you are skeptical, but do you look for that in others? It might pay to do so. Studies show that the longer you date before becoming engaged, the better your odds are of making a good match, especially if you are focused on making sure your values align.

A little bit of worry about making another mistake helps you pay attention to the warning signs of a relationship that isn’t going to be good for you. If the person you’re dating is also a bit worried about making a mistake, together you are more likely to ask good questions, discuss your values and life goals in depth, and look for real compatibility.

Two: Ego Correction

Article contributed by

Nina Atwood

Author

Nina Atwood, M.Ed., LPC
The Singlescoach®
Visit my website for FREE resources!
Visit my author page on amazon.com
Love Strategies Internet Radio
 

Location: Dallas, TX
Credentials: LPC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support
Other Articles/News by Nina Atwood:

Dumpers and Dumpees: Part One

By

In every breakup there are two roles: the Dumper and the Dumpee. Put it another way, the person who actually says “I’m outta here” and the person who is left behind. Sometimes we try to save face by agreeing that yes, it’s over, when the other person says they’re leaving. But almost always there is one person who is the first ... Read more

Are You Marrying Material?

By

When I was growing up, we were the only family in school that we knew about whose parents were divorced. It made us feel odd and different from others, stigmatized. Turns out we weren’t alone – many people from divorce felt that way growing up in the nineteen fifties and sixties. Now, being from a divorced family isn’t unusual, but you may ... Read more

Still Looking For Love? Why Casual Sex Won't Help You Find It

By

Far too many women today think it’s okay for men to send them sexually explicit texts and messages, or to send them to men, and that is a real problem. Like my colleague, Dr. Keith Ablow, I do not buy the notion that women and men are no different from one another when it comes to sex, and that the newfound freedom of women today to hook up frequently ... Read more

See More

 
PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular