ProConnect

4 Reasons to Date a Failure

By

4 Reasons to Date a Failure
Dating a relationship failure has its advantages - if they meet these 4 criteria.

Fourteen years ago when I met my husband, we were both failures. Relationship failures, that is. He was divorced twice and so was I. We were in our early forties, fearful of making another mistake, yet still hopeful that maybe this relationship would be the right one. We both had a healthy dose of skepticism, but we forged ahead. Good thing we did because meeting him has definitely turned out to be the best thing that has ever happened to me!

If you are single and over forty, odds are you have at least one big relationship failure in your life. Singles often ask me about the people they are dating and whether or not they are worth the risk. He’s been divorced and single for ten years. Is he ready? She’s never been married but lived with a guy for fifteen years. Does she have a problem with commitment?

The twice divorced person may look like a long shot, but it turns out that there are some real advantages to dating relationship failures - IF they meet these four criteria.

One: Healthy Paranoia

Anna is 41, in medical sales, and recently divorced. Her green eyes sparkle as she relates to me the enchanting story of meeting Doug through an online dating service. After one coffee date and one dinner date, she is wowed. “He’s the guy I’ve been looking for,” she gushes. She can hardly wait to introduce him to her family and friends. In her mind, she’s practically engaged to the guy, yet she knows almost nothing about him.

“When was his last serious relationship, and how did it end?” I query. She looks at me blankly. “Well, I know he was married a long time ago, and he’s been single a long time,” she trails off, frowning. She then takes up the narrative of how wonderful he is. I know now that she is in deep trouble as she rushes into this new relationship.

The person who has failed and learned from it is smart enough to have a healthy dose of skepticism about relationships. It’s easy and tempting to fall for the first attractive person who gives you attention. It’s much harder to hold back a little until you really understand the person sitting across from you.

Maybe you are skeptical, but do you look for that in others? It might pay to do so. Studies show that the longer you date before becoming engaged, the better your odds are of making a good match, especially if you are focused on making sure your values align.

A little bit of worry about making another mistake helps you pay attention to the warning signs of a relationship that isn’t going to be good for you. If the person you’re dating is also a bit worried about making a mistake, together you are more likely to ask good questions, discuss your values and life goals in depth, and look for real compatibility.

Two: Ego Correction

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Nina Atwood

Author

Nina Atwood, M.Ed., LPC
The Singlescoach®
Visit my website for FREE resources!
Visit my author page on amazon.com
Love Strategies Internet Radio
 

Location: Dallas, TX
Credentials: LPC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support
Other Articles/News by Nina Atwood:

Marriage Is Better Than Living Together – And Your Brain Knows It

By

The other day I came home stressed out and my husband offered to give me a head and shoulder rub. What bliss! Not only did it feel good to my tense muscles, but as he rubbed, I felt my entire system calm down. I know without having to think about it that my husband loves me and is there for me. So that neck and shoulder rub wasn't just physically ... Read more

The One Reason You Should Let Him Pursue You

By

As a relationship coach, I've heard lots of single men say some version of the following: "I like her, she's cute and all, but I don't know...I'm just not feeling that strongly about her. But she keeps calling me and, well, it's nice to have someone to go out with." But what I heard when they met "the one" was vastly ... Read more

Want To Save Your Relationship? Try Ditching Facebook

By

Facebook is the biggest social phenomenon of them all: over the past nine years the user base has grown from one million to ONE BILLION! By now, almost everyone knows someone who has used Facebook to reconnect with a long lost lover from the past or who met someone new and started an affair. In fact, we know that Facebook is the launch point for a high ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Staying Dry

10 Signs Your Guy is Smitten

Does that new hunky guy you've been dating see you in his future? Here are 10 ways he'll show you.

Girl Decorates Easter Eggs

Rebirth Renew Happy Easter!

Five ways to get going on your best life today!

Texting Your Way To Love

How To Have Cyber Sex: 5 Keys To Unlock Your Lady's Passion

Cyber sex partners disappearing right when things are heating up? Make them crave you instead!

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS