8 Smart Ways to Reduce Humiliation & Misery After A Night Of Boozing

Girl in bed
Buzz, Self

Blood Marys anyone?

Sometimes, you just know that you are going to get completely trashed — that’s the plan, and you’re sticking to it. Maybe you’re celebrating a momentous occasion, or maybe you’re hoping a bottle of whiskey will make you forget that asshole. Either way, it’s okay. You gotta do what you gotta do. 

But a little self-love and preparation can really help you the following morning so you don't wake up regretting last night's decisions. If you know you’re going for the belligerence blue ribbon, why not take a little time to make things easier in the morning?

Follow these 8 steps to make sure you're morning isn't COMPLETELY horrific the day after:


1. Invest in some blackout curtains.

First thing you’ll want to do is cover those windows. If you don’t have one of the best things ever invented by man, blackout curtains, grab the darkest blanket you have and use some thumbtacks or nails to cover your window tight. The last thing you want is the bright wrath of the sun interrupting your sleep-in and making your headache worse.


2. Stock up your nightstand with hangover essentials.

You will need:

  • 1 drink with electrolytes
  • 1 caffeinated beverage
  • 1 bottle of 100% fruit juice
  • 2 bottles of water.

I’m totally serious.

Coconut water or sugar free sports drinks are great for the electrolytes, and your caffeinated beverage should be low in sugar as well (lightly sweetened iced tea works great if you can’t stand diet sodas). The glucose in processed sugars is not good for your stomach in this situation, but fructose is, which is where the fruit juice comes in.

Drink one bottle of water before you go to sleep, and save the other in case you get thirsty in the middle of the night. When you wake up in the morning, consume the rest in this order: electrolytes, caffeine, fruit juice.

If you’re a hair-of-the-dog type person (if that actually works?) you can replace the fruit juice and caffeine with your drink of choice — but don’t skip out on the water and the electrolytes.

You will also want to grab some pain relievers. Whatever works best for you is fine, but I recommend one with anti-inflammatory properties (like ibuprofen or naproxen) because alcohol is inflammatory. If your stomach is always upset with a hangover, grab some nausea meds as well.


3. Charge your phone.

Before you get started on your evening, make sure your phone charger is plugged in next to your bed — maybe even drape it over your nightstand or pillow for easy drunken access. If you have another device you’re attached to, plug that in and place it close as well.

The last thing you’ll want to do when you wake up hungover is get up to find a charger and then patiently wait for the ability to check and make sure you didn’t do any drunk dialing or social media ranting the prior evening.


4. Clean your home.

I suppose most adults keep a pretty clean home, as do I, but everyone has their "thing". For me, it’s the giant pile of shoes that always builds up in my entryway. If you have anything that may present a problem when staggering back to your room, maybe clean it up before it has the chance to trip you up.

If you are not partying at home, it might help to leave a light or two on. Yeah, yeah, yeah … we’re supposed to conserve energy, but walls and furniture can become very painful obstacles when you’re drunk in the dark. At the very least, turn your porch light on before leaving to help with that struggle to get the key in the door that you hope none of your neighbors were awake to witness.


5. Eat a good meal.

NEVER drink on an empty stomach. Just don’t. You’ll be so much sicker in the morning.

Avoid eating anything too processed or junky, and avoid large quantities of dairy. You may barf it all up later, but at least it will help keep the alcohol from irritating your stomach lining. It is a caustic solvent, after all. Also make sure you’re good and hydrated.


6. Don’t just order booze.

Alternate your drinks with glasses of water. Noticing a theme, here? That’s because alcohol is a diuretic — which means it makes you pee a lot — so it's easier to become dehydrated. Starting out and staying hydrated is the #1 factor for lessening the impact of a hangover.


7. Satisfy your craving for midnight munchies.

Now is the time to have at that greasy, carb-loaded meal. The carbs can help settle your alcohol and acid filled stomach, and the fat will make you feel better. Heavy drinking increases your brain’s craving for fat, so satiating that craving will aid simply by helping you get your neurochemical fix.


Bonus: For those of us who spend WAY too much money when out drinking with friends...

Ever woke up from a night of drinking going “What happened to all my money?” This is for you: leave the plastic at home and bring a pre-determined amount of cash. The more you drink, the more it seems like a good idea to buy everyone a drink. At the very least, set aside a little cash so you can go snag that gravy-smothered breakfast that will be the final nail in your hangover’s coffin.

This article was originally published at Never Liked It Anyway. Reprinted with permission from the author.

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