Facebook dating 101


Facebook dating 101
A lot of people ask me about how to use Facebook for dating- some thoughts on the topic

If the friend of my enemy is my enemy, then is the friend of my date going to be my date? A lot of guys may want it that way. (and some girls too.) What about the Facebook friend of my date? Facebook doesn’t make it easy to keep your dating life on the down low. If you are Facebook friends with your date, then chances are she has her ways of finding out who else you are dating. And that’s a good thing in my book. If you are really trying to two-time your girlfriend with her best friend you should at least have the decency to be stealthy about it.
The public nature of Facebook also makes it complicated to use Facebook for dating. You want to use your social network to find dates, but you also don’t want everyone in your social network to know everything you’re doing.
So a lot of people try to keep their social life and their dating life separate. I have been a dating coach for over a decade. I teach singles how to expand their network to try to get more dates. And I have to say from my experience, on the prospect of keeping your social life and your dating life separate: “How stupid is that?” Sorry if that doesn’t sound very professional. But it gets me all riled up when I see inefficiency. Dating is an inefficient process anyway. Trying to keep your social network and your dating network separate is cutting off your nose to spite your face.
It’s been scientifically proven that your mate is highly likely to be within 2 degrees of separation from you. [I read this in Scientific American] One of the biggest complaints that I hear from singles is that it’s so hard to meet people. So you have to start with who you know and the easiest way to find them, i.e. Facebook.
So I’ll bet (if you’ve been listening and not checking out on my little tirade) that you think I’m saying: Start Poking away! Friend everyone you want to date! Ask your ex-boyfriend to set you up! But you’d be wrong, because I’m a little sneaky that way. ;-)
As I said, dating is inefficient. There are social norms in dating that keep you from being able to be direct. The Poke feature is creepy. And it’s a terrible idea to be Facebook friends with everyone you date. 9 times out of 10 you are never going to want to see your date again after the first date. And it is very rare indeed that a scorned blind date will set you up with the man (or woman) of your dreams.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
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