A Trial Run Before Marriage Can Weaken Your Bond

By

Relationship Advice For Cohabitation
Cohabiting before marriage could lead to divorce.

This brings up the real issue: why does lasting love, commitment and emotional vulnerability scare many people into thinking they need an escape route? My years of relationship coaching has determined that the following mindsets drive this particular rational:

Fear of not picking the "right one." Marriage is sacred and perhaps the most important decisions any person will make. The best assurance of selecting the right person to marry is preparation before you even begin dating. If you know what you should be looking for in terms of love and commitment, the more confidence you will have in your dating choices — and those you attract. If you do not work through past relationship challenges, you will not be able to see the right partner because your norm is rooted in wrong mindsets. You end up attracting the same negative experience, even though each new person may have a different background, educational or occupational experience. Your emotional connection leads back to a repetition of the established pattern.

 

Fear of future divorce. Living together is not divorce prevention, nor it is not marriage preparation. It is divorce training. It does increase the likelihood of divorce if the couple decides to marry. The National Survey of Families and Households found that couples who cohabit before marriage are 50 percent more likely to divorce. People who have multiple cohabiting relationships before marriage are more likely to experience marital conflict, unhappiness and divorce than people who do not live together before marriage. It is the attitude that living together can be a temporary and easily ended step in love that may make cohabitation more conductive to future divorce.

Fear of losing freedom. People who live together show greater tendencies toward individualism, leading to a strong desire for self-autonomy within the relationship. One of the appeals of living together is the increased freedom and decreased responsibility toward each other. Living together is not empowering for women. It places them in a vulnerable position, emotionally and materially. Cohabiting couples many times see the relationship very differently. Women generally see moving in together as a step toward marriage, while men tend to regard the relationship as more of a sexual opportunity without the ties and responsibilities of commitment. Marriage is the opposite experience: the couple is stronger and more effective together than apart, as spouses tends to think of "us" rather than "I." Keep reading...

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Nancy Pina

Relationship Coach

Nancy Pina, Relationship Coach

Contact: 832-566-0800

Recent books: What to Look for in a Man, Attract the Lasting Love of your Life

 

Location: Houston, TX
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support, Forgiveness, Spiritual
Other Articles/News by Nancy Pina:

The Secrets To A Divorce-Proof Marriage

By

You may know couples whose divorce comes as a shock to others; they were seemingly happily married, but in reality were living separate lives. Once children leave the house, a couple who has not nurtured their relationship over the years will find themselves seriously contemplating if they should stay together. The key component to divorce proofing your ... Read more

Diminishing Mother-In-Law Drama

By

Cultivating a positive relationship with even the most challenging mother-in-law is possible without sacrificing your priorities and personal boundaries. Many times it is not understanding a person’s temperament that places one in a tense frame of mind. The good news? You can decide in advance how this important relationship will grow and below is my ... Read more

Debt And Dating: When Should You Reveal Financial Troubles?

By

Ask anyone who has been in over their head in debt and they will tell you, it is very easy to rack up a huge amount in no time at all. Sometimes, it can happen when a business you believed in never took off and only have a big personal financial obligation to show for that former dream. It could be you grew up in a household where money management was never ... Read more

See More

 
PARTNER POSTS