An open heart. During a visit in 2008, Ray reports that his father shared his life experiences during a six hour car ride. The child learns a perspective not previously seen and as an adult can choose compassion for the parent. As children, filters are limited to a narrow view because life experiences are small. All the facts are probably not known. Ray tells their destination was his grandfather’s house where he learned abandonment issues went back five generations. The cycle repeated because it had become the norm in their family history. The good news? Nothing is irrevocable and every person who has experienced abandonment can stop the cycle to their children.
Acceptance. A bitter heart filled with anger could have rejected this new information and nurtured the pain for a lifetime. Choosing to love and starting fresh in a relationship that has always been desired always is the best course. Lewis is known for his gratitude and faith in God, expressing his thankfulness on the national platform he has as a professional athlete. His relationship with his father could have turned out numerous ways. The turning point was letting go of the anger, resentment and bitterness and simply loving his father. He is very expressive regarding his personal and professional blessings.
Not every person who has experienced abandonment as a child will reconcile with that parent and establish a positive relationship. Some may have waited too late and the parent is deceased. Some may not know where to find that parent. Regardless of the circumstances, what you can do is not allow powerful negative emotions to define yourself. The beginning of the healing process is letting go of those emotions and choosing to love. When you build and nurture your ability to love others, you will attract healthier, positive relationships.
I encourage you to make 2013 the year you stop experiencing abandonment through romantic love. Embrace internal freedom by not looking to what could have been in childhood with the knowledge that a sense of belonging is not dependent on any one person.
Nancy Pina is a highly recognized author, relationship coach and speaker. She is dedicated to helping individuals attract emotionally healthy relationships through her practical, Christian-based advice. Visit here for articles, exercises, coaching options and recent books.