Express love. Many unhappy marriages are a result of not communicating love in the manner the other person wants to receive it. If you value the emotional connection gained from deep conversations with your spouse, but never share that information with him, you will begin to feel unloved when he fails to engage in that manner. From his perspective, he may believe he is showing you love by providing you with material things and security. This lack of communication often leads to disconnect and eventually the desire to fulfill that need elsewhere. Strong remarriages have communicated the desired manner to show each other love.
Communicate. Most topics can be worked through if brought out in the open. It is the habit of hiding true feelings that leads to resentment and a repetition of past patterns. Believing the other person has the exact same view of marital roles, financial responsibilities, life goals, family obligations, children and faith are the assumptions that get couples in trouble. These discussions should not be superficial; it is important to be vulnerable toward one another and open the conversation to deep discussions about why you believe what you do in faith. It should reflect a mutual sharing of how to raise future children and future life goals as a couple and individually.
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To reiterate, a marriage is what a couple makes of it. The past provides valuable gifts of wisdom for learning how to love well. You can have the marriage of your dreams when you take the time not only to work through the challenges of the past openly and honestly but also to choose to apply those lessons to your life.
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Nancy Pina is a highly recognized author, relationship coach, and speaker. She is dedicated to helping individuals attract emotionally healthy relationships through her practical, Christian-based advice. Visit here for articles, exercises, coaching options, and recent books. Subscribe to her free report, Is He The Right One or schedule a complimentary coaching session with Nancy.
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