Marrying the right person does not automatically lead to happiness ad bliss ever after.
Do you fear making the wrong choice in marriage and have anxiety about making your relationship permanent, even though you feel in love? You are not alone. One of the most frequently asked questions I hear as a relationship coach is, "How will I know without a doubt this person is the right one to marry?"
With the “if-it-doesn’t-work-we-can-always-divorce” mindset which has permeated society, it is understandable that the question of longevity arises when contemplating this major step in love. You have probably read various reports which label the top reasons why couples divorce. Money issues and infidelity are not the causes of divorce: these are merely symptoms of the real issue.
Disappointment is the number one reason for divorce.
It is the unrealistic expectations of life together as Mr. and Mrs.that leads to disappointment and if left unchecked, divorce. Even if you marry your soulmate; the one you know in your heart is the person you cannot live without, you will experience disappointment with each other and face challenges that you never dreamed would arise.
The glimpse of the reality of marriage is found in the familiar vows most couples recite to each other:
- For better or worse: Best does not present emotional challenges and worse will happen to every couple.
- For richer or poorer: Marrying a financially stable person is not a guarantee of lifetime abundance.
- In sickness and in health: No one can predict accidents or the diagnosis of a disease.
Couples repeat these vows to each other but do not think the negative will ever happen in their relationship. With unrealistic expectations, challenges and life issues, the shattering of impractical mindsets results ultimately leads to a broken heart. No one can live up to an idealized view of the perfect spouse because everyone enters marriage with emotional hurts that are in need of healing, regardless of one’s life experiences.
In the reality of marriage you will find two people with past hurts, personality peculiarities and a lack of understanding about the opposite sex that only marriage will heal. This process will take longer than either of you expect but will lead to the love you always dreamed of.
So how does a couple guarantee lasting love within marriage and come out of the worse even better?
Every couple has a 100% change of marriage success if the marriage is lived out with faith as the foundation of the relationship. Combining biblical relationship skills plus realistic expectations will lead to lasting love, success and mutual emotional healing.
With a faith based view and proper expectations, you do marry your healer. The distinct emotional roles of each spouse are key to each other’s healing. Men need respect and a wife who honors her husband and speaks to him with respect will heal him. Women need emotional security and a husband who loves her and treats her as he would himself will heal her. The man who loves his wife, loves himself. She is his top priority. Mutual love, honor and respect are a lifestyle in every situation life presents.
This is the restorative journey of marriage; a leading to mutual emotional and spiritual growth. As a couple, preparation and expectation have come together to experience the gift of unity and lasting love.
Marriage is one of the best blessings in life, allowing each couple to experience a deepening of their mutual love. With a commitment to building a shared life on the solid foundation of faith in God, you can be each other’s healer and make your marriage not only last, but thrive.
Nancy Pina is a highly recognized author, relationship coach and speaker. She is dedicated to helping individuals attract emotionally healthy relationships through her practical, Christian-based advice. Visit here for articles, exercises, coaching options and recent books.