Does He Really Love Your Success?


Does He Really Love Your Success?
The right guy will celebrate your victories and not turn the positive into a self-esteem issue.

As a relationship coach, I have talked to countless professional women who believe the men they attract are intimidated by their success or envious of it. Their relationships soon turns into a battle of egos: who has the more demanding position; who should be given the most slack in love; or whose time is more important struggle, whether those words are spoken or implied.

In many relationships, it is the woman who takes a backseat to her guy’s career and aspirations with the thinking that his dreams and goals are more important and have more significance. The truth of emotionally healthy, mutually fulfilling relationships is the mutual support of each other’s life plan.


In a recent study published by the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, researchers concluded that a male’s self-esteem was lower when a partner succeeded than when a partner failed, whereas a woman’s self-esteem was not. The researchers also concluded that a male automatically interpreted his partner’s success as his own failure, even when not in direct competition.

It is imperative that you select a supportive relationship partner where you reciprocate in encouraging his goals. The key to attracting the right man will be your preparation in how you view traditional roles in love. In my recent book, What To Look For In A Man, chapter two discusses relationship patterns and how imperative it is to be aware of the type of person you tend to attract in love.

There is room in a relationship for each person to achieve the goals and desires they strive for in their career. The foundation for this should be a mature structure to the relationship, whereas both agree that commitment to each other needs mutual nurturance. 

One person cannot draw out the “I can’t do the mundane chores because my job is more important than yours.” or “I earn more money, therefore I get a pass on contributing to the relationship.” or “You have to be understanding when I cancel at the last minute or forget to show up for (dates, xyz event, etc.) because I am under lots of stress to perform at work.” None of these excuses for not contributing to a committed relationship should not be acceptable to either person.

You can take proactive steps toward attracting the right man, starting today. You do not have to settle for guys who make you feel like a low priority ... and I can show you the process of how to avoid these types of men from now on.

As a Christian relationship coach, I suggest the smart career woman look for the following when dating men she is considering for a long term relationship:

He is secure. The right man will be confident in himself, rejoice when you reach your milestones, and is emotionally supportive of your dreams. He is a positive sounding board and does not go into rescue mode when you face work related challenges. He is confident you can rise to the occasion and figure out the solution, but open to give his advice when you desire it.

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