Holding off on sex leads to a greater and deeper connection in love.
Saving sex for marriage is not the most popular choice in our culture, leaving many people to think it is an antiquated idea that is not realistic. Here is the so-called “natural” progression of dating today:
- casual dating
- exclusive dating
- living together
- then possibly marriage.
Physical attraction is so emphasized in media that without consciously thinking about it, sex outside of the bond of marriage is not only socially acceptable, but is a norm. Because of this acceptance, the act of sex has become cheapened and does not carry with it the sacredness it should have between two people committed to sharing their lives together. No matter where you are in relationships and love, you can choose purity until you find your right relationship. My encouragement is to help you make the wise decision to refrain from sex until marriage because of the following heart reasons:
Clear minded thinking in love: Physical attraction is an essential component of lasting love, but it should not be the determining factor for relationships. If you hop into bed with the guys you are strongly attracted to in the early stages of dating, the getting to know you stage is severely halted. Sex instead becomes the dominant driver to the dates instead of figuring out how compatible you are as a couple. The point of going out on a date becomes another excuse to end up in bed.
Whatever is the dominant force in your relationships decisions, the flow of those choices works like this:
- Thoughts lead to actions: You see the media portrayals of love and sex and decide sex is a natural part of dating.
- Actions lead to the formation of habits: Sex becomes the norm in your dating experiences.
- Habits shape character: Sex does not hold any type of sacredness for you in love and becomes more of an outlet physically.
- Character determines your destiny: Relationships built first on sex have an uphill climb to create lasting emotional and spiritual bonds.
Without building a strong foundation of mutual trust, friendship, respect and honor for each other, it is more likely the relationship will end or give you an is-that-all-there-is feeling.
A guard for your heart and emotions. There is no such thing as casual sex, especially for a woman. The physical act forms an emotional bond that is all encompassing. It is natural that once that line is crossed, the hope of lasting love emerges. It is easier to recover from a broken relationship that did not have sex than it is with one that did. Both are painful, but the one without did not give away something so deeply personal, so deeply felt as the intimacy shared in sex.
What you’d want for your kids. It is easier to teach and model a behavior you have followed than one you only know in theory. What parent wouldn’t do anything to help their children avoid the heartbreak and intense pain experienced with the end of a relationship that included sex? By choosing purity, one can teach future generations that the senses are a gift, enhancing marriage and should never be thought as something bad. Living counter to society in this area is not becoming a prude, but creates a reverence for sexual intimacy.
Living a pure life sexually is deciding to protect the sacredness of that bond between a man and a woman. You are not denying those feelings, but choosing to give that gift to your future spouse. No matter where you are today, whether you have had zero or numerous physical relationships, you can take this road and build on a truly solid foundation in love, leading to real fulfillment in a committed relationship.
Nancy Pina is a highly recognized author, relationship coach and speaker. She is dedicated to helping individuals attract emotionally healthy relationships through her practical, Christian-based advice. Visit here for articles, exercises, coaching options and recent books.