Dating more than one man at a time is not only okay, it's the smart way to date.
My client, Betsy, an attractive single woman in her 50s, has been corresponding with two online men. Matt (not his real name) called Betsy several times, but their hectic schedules kept them from getting together. Finally they had a first date, meeting each other for dinner at a downtown Franklin restaurant. Leila liked him enough; he was well-groomed and they seemed to share common interests. Matt is what I call the “real deal,” he has a pleasant, low-key personality, he’s stable, he’s average-looking, he’s above-board, and he is sincerely looking for a committed relationship. At the end of the evening, Matt insinuated a second date and he told Betsy he would call her next week.
I asked Betsy about guy no. 2, who sent her multiple emails and called her once.
“Did you respond to his email, I asked.
“No,” I’m waiting to hear back from Matt.
My eyes popped out of my head.
“No! No! No!” I exclaimed. You need to date multiple guys at once!”
“Really,” replied Betsy.
Why do women feel they should date only one man at a time?
- They feel it’s unscrupulous or deceitful, and they’re afraid if a guy finds out she’s dating someone else, he’ll drop her.
- They are smitten too quickly with one guy, and they cut themselves off from other men.
Many women fall into the trap of putting all their focus on dating one man, and then weeks or months later, she finds herself intimately involved with the wrong man, or she decides he’s not the right man, or he dumps her. This is a mistake on several levels: She winds up with a broken heart. She wasted her time an energy on the wrong man. She forfeited opportunities to date men who could have been her perfect match.
When I was dating my husband, I dated other men and I went out constantly with my girlfriends. My nights were so jammed packed, I would only consent to date my husband on a Sunday afternoon. He surmised that on Friday and Saturday nights I was dating other men—and consequently, he worked really hard to impress me. When we officially became a couple, he laughingly told everyone he was my “Sunday guy.”
As long as you are respectful to the feelings of the men you date (you’re not a “player” or a “sleepover”), and you are truly looking for the qualities that will lead to a committed relationship, not only is it okay to date several guys at one, it the savvy way to date.
5 reasons a woman should date multiple men at once:
- It allows you to compare and contrast the attributes and compatibility in numerous men.
- It boosts your self-confidence and improves your dating skills.
- It helps you to define the qualities that are truly important to you in a man and a relationship.
- It helps you to reserve emotional and intimate involvement with the wrong man.
- It sends a man the subliminal message, he'll have to work to win your heart.
Now, tattoo this on your forehead: No man is your boyfriend until he tells you he is closing his online dating account, and he wants you to do the same.
This article was originally published at www.knowitallnancy.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.