It's not YOU, it's HIM.
It’s not our fault, as women, that we fall head over heels for a man who ardently pursues us.
When a man tells me, “You’re the most beautiful woman in the room,” I want to believe, that in his eyes, I am. When he says he adores me and I'm his one and only, I want to trust that, not only is he sincere, but that my search for love is over and my dream man has finally found me.
It’s not our fault, as women, that we yearn for the love, devotion and support of man.
Women are relationship-driven creatures. We hope to meet, fall in love with and even marry the love of our lives. We can’t help it — it’s genetic encoding. We yearn for a man’s companionship, affection and the security of a relationship.
We long for a man we can enjoy conversation with, who will help us with our home repairs, who we can travel with and share warm holiday fuzzies. We pine for a man we can experience meaningful sexual intimacy.
But as time passes, and the right man doesn’t show up, we become disheartened, we compromise our standards and we hastily and recklessly become involved with a man who is less than what we want and deserve.
It’s not our fault, as women, that we were taught to depend on a man for our physical well-being and financial security, and consequently, we believe that the center of our happiness revolves around having a romantic relationship.
It’s not our fault, as women, that a man touches our heart with his seemly genuine romantic gestures.
Men are experts at concealing their dysfunctional behavior in the early stages of dating. They know they must put their most charming foot forward to gain a woman’s interest and sexual liaison. They shine their scuffed-up loafers, they wash their cars, and they hide their girlie magazines before taking you to their home.
They call you daily, text you frequently, open doors for you and send you cards and flowers. They defer to your choice of restaurants and movies, give your teenagers baseball tickets, take you to an early morning church service, and buy front row tickets to the Broadway show you just happened to mention. In the beginning men will exhibit their most creative, irresistible courtship techniques because they know it’s their job to woo and wow you.
It’s not our fault, as women, that our spiritual core is naive and trusting.
When a man senses a woman is needy, lonely or co-dependent, he intuitively knows what to say and do to steal her heart and promote sexual intimacy. He listens to a woman’s conversations of longing, hurts, self-doubt and uncertainty, and then he feeds her smooth talk that influence her to give up her goodies.
It’s not our fault that we ignore the warning signs of a dysfunctional man and rush into a relationship with the wrong man.
I met Dr. Dirtbag at a low point in my life. I was wretchedly single. My job was demanding and I traveled extensively. The older I got, I feared no man would want me. I was afraid of being permanently alone and unloved. And then, like fairy-tale magic, Dr. Dirtbag unexpectedly came into my life. He was intelligent, worldly, fun-loving—and he was rich. I fell deliriously in love with him and he quickly professed his eternal devotion to me. He sensed my core relationship needs—everything he said and did spelled—S-E-C-U-R-I-T-Y. I closed my eyes to Dr. Dirtbag’s boasting, deceptive, alcoholic behavior, I became intimately involved with him, and over night his dark, twisted, abusive personality rapidly began to surface.
It’s not our fault, as women, that we fall in love with and commit to a man we suspect in our hearts is WRONG for us — OR IS IT?
When our emotional hang-ups, sexual urges and co-dependency issues cause us to ignore, discount and minimize a man’s deceptive, inconsiderate, dysfunctional behavior — disappointment, regret and heartbreak will always find us.
Girlfriend, go buy yourself a magnum of pinto grigio, a Dewalt cordless drill and tool set and fix your own leaky faucet.
Do you date, fall in love with and commit to men who are emotionally unavailable, self-absorbed, non-committal or abusive? Read the best-selling, self-help book Never Date a Dead Animal.
This article was originally published at www.knowitallnancy.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.