These 3 simple words changed my love life forever!
I wondered all my life how some women seem to mysteriously and easily attract desirable men—and I did not. And “why” men didn’t ask me out for a second date?
And then a girlfriend said three words to me that opened my eyes to WHY men were indifferent to me.
Camille captured the attention of men effortlessly. Men called her and they took her to dinner and social events. Men admired Camille and they enjoyed talking to her. If we were at a party, all the men would ask her to dance. When we were shopping, I would sometimes have to wait for her to finish an impromptu conversation with a strange man. Even the mailman seemed to linger to chitchat with Camille.
I just didn’t understand what men saw in Camille? She was attractive, but not gorgeous. She didn’t have a job or money. WHAT was she doing that got her this kind of attention from men?
Truly, I was fascinated with Camille’s magic allure. One evening I asked her, “How do you attract so many men?”
Without giving it a thought, Camille said, “I just love men.”
What?!? I thought, She’s cracked. She’s wacko! A real looney-tune. I couldn’t possibly love all men—nor would I want to.
I thought about Camille ...
As an adolescent her father was the most important person in her life. His unconditional love nurtured her acceptance and understanding of men, programming her at very young age to enjoy, value and appreciate the very essence of a man. Her father taught her to revere and respect herself as a woman. It became the foundation of how Camille would relate to all men for the rest of her life.
I, on the other hand, grew up with a hyper-critical mother and an emotionally unavailable father. As an adult I craved the love and acceptance of a man and I doubted my self-worth. I didn’t know how to gain a man’s respect and I committed to men who were less than what I wanted and deserved.
Camille was as cocky as she was confident. “I deserve to be put on a pedestal,” she told me, “And I would never be with a man who did not treat me that way.”
KABOOM! Suddenly I understood how Camille attracted so many men.
Camille was blessed with confidence and self-esteem. She got the best out of life because she believed she deserved it. She demanded it. She held out for it — and she got it.
But the question remained: How did she gain the ardent interest and admiration of so many men?
It was this: Camille loves all men … not in the literal physical sense, but rather she approves and values each man for his unique qualities.
Camille learned to never pre-judge or underestimate a man. She believed men were an opportunity for friendship, a source of entertainment, a valuable business link, a romantic hookup for a girlfriend, or a husband for herself. Camille valued each man for his unique qualities. She loved to meet, talk to and learn everything she could about almost every man she met, because after all, the next man that crossed her path could be a valuable connection.
It was Camille’s open-minded, friendly, approachable presence which drew men to her. It was her genuine interest, compliments and approving mindset which caused them to stay. Men sought Camille out because they felt good about themselves in her company.
I re-entered the single world armed with my “Love-All-Men” dating philosophy,” which meant: give a man a chance to reveal his more enduring and best qualities. I squelched my petty criticisms about men and I chanted in my head, “I love all men. I love all men. I will appreciate, affirm and value the many men that cross my path.” Time passed and men were smiling at me. Men were flirting with me. Men were asking me out for dates and pursuing me for a serious relationship.
I deliberately dated a wider range of men with the hope of meeting the love of my life. The irony was — the more men I affirmed, flattered and respected, the more men I attracted. The more men I attracted, the more confident I became. And the more confident I became, the more men I again I attracted!
Want to try this yourself? Here are four ways to lean into the "I love all men" mindset:
Everywhere you go, look for ways to accept, value and appreciate men. Make a conscious effort to recognize the good qualities (small and large) of the men you encounter. The man holding the door for you is courteous. The man in the restaurant was humorous. The male clerk at the hardware store was knowledgeable and helpful. Secretly tell yourself: This man has value. This man is someone’s loved one.
Keep an open mind about the men you date. Reject the belief that all men are jerks. When you’re sitting in front of a not-so-hot date, laugh at his humor, admire his intelligence and enjoy his unique personality. Tell yourself: I’m not going to marry him, I may never want to talk to him again, but in this moment, I will respect and appreciate this man. I will give him a chance to reveal his best qualities.
Toss your rigid expectations out the window. Don’t go on a date looking (and hoping) for a romantic connection. Don’t bring your “must haves” checklist. Instead, concentrate on your date’s best qualities. If a love connection isn't there, perhaps he'll become a new male friend, a valuable business contact or even a fine catch for your desperately single girlfriend.
Stop trying to win men's approval and acceptance. Women go on a date and we fret, “Do I look okay?” “Does he like me?” “Will he ask me out again?” STOP torturing yourself. It’s not always about you! Offer a man your unconditional attention, respect and appreciation and you'll soon forget your self-esteem issues.
When I ceased criticizing and pre-judging men and decided to "love all men" instead, I finally started to accept, love, and value myself. Astonishingly, it was the gift of confidence and self-esteem for which I searched all of my life.
Do you lack confidence with men? Do you worry that men aren't attracted to you? Secrets of the Ultimate Husband Hunter by Nancy Nichols will dramatically change the way you think about men, the dating process and ultimately yourself.
This article was originally published at www.knowitallnancy.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.