Violence can be physical, emotional, or verbal. Sometimes when we grow up in an abusive atmosphere, behaviors that are abusive seem normal” or usual to us. We are however used to a type of family dynamic or way of being together. We usually choose a partner with the same patterns of behavior. Ever wonder why some people continue to pick the same kind of partner again and again. It all sounds ridiculous, but this can be a real pattern for people who experienced abuse in their family of origin. We seek partners who have the same dynamic or way of being together as we have.
Reasons people stay in an abusive relationship can be varied and numerous.
Domestic Violence has a cycle. It has stages of expression and development. At first the stages or events may only seem uncomfortable or hurtful. Domestic Violence has a pattern of escalation over time. The stages become more and more violent and hurtful. Eventually, any children present in the home will be battered also.
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Children may become violent themselves, picking fights at school and being aggressive. They are at a higher risk for starting drug or alcohol use. They may begin to use violence to express frustration and stress. They will be set up to accept violence in their relationships. You are modeling for your children how to behave in a relationship, how to express anger, how to respect yourself and others-or NOT.
Clues that children are struggling with emotional problems due to the domestic violence could be; they become physically or sexually abusive, self-abusive behaviors, frequently being sick, poor school attendance and performance, bed-wetting, frequent headaches, stomach-aches.
Being hit or punched or slapped or bit.
Being pushed or shoved.
Being threatened with physical violence or a weapon (hands can be
Objects being thrown at you.
Refusal to give assistance if you are sick or hurt.
Forcing you off the road if you are driving.
Having sex with you when you have stated NO either verbally or physically.
Keeping you from leaving an area.
Abandoning you in a place that is not safe.
Throwing dinner on the floor or in the sink.
Yelling in your face.
Pointing a finger in your face.
Emotional and verbal abuse is also a part of domestic violence.
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If you are the one abusing and want options to stop here are some suggestions. Dysfunctional family history can lay the groundwork for an abusive relationship and domestic violence. However, you are now an adult with choices. If you choose to continue exhibiting abusive behaviors or allowing abusive behaviors, you are choosing to continue the dysfunctional family patterns. You are also passing those patterns to your children. You have control over your own happiness. Behaviors are learned and can be UNLEARNED and RE-LEARNED. Give yourself a chance for happiness and give your children-present or future-the chance of being happy with their relationship.