Why women need to stop dreaming and start listening.
Every woman has had her share of disappointments in dating and relationships. We’ve all been disappointed, hurt, or feel like we have gotten the short end of the stick when our heart came into play. After one too many disappoinments, a lot of women become discouraged and turn their anger towards the men that they feel misled them or mishandled their trust. However, too many women turn their anger towards men, as a whole. Thus, lines such as “men are scum!” (to put it lightly) manifest and echo throughout relationship conversations. While some women are unfairly misled, some are not! Yes, a lot of the criticism and blame is misdirected. If you find yourself in any situation over and over again, there comes a time when you have to look at yourself. Your pain and your countless nights crying yourself to sleep do not deserve sympathy if you are stepping into the same situation over and over again. Just because your intentions are good does not mean that your decisions are smart!
I’m just going to touch on a particular mistake women make that get them disappointed every time. Ready? Here it is: They do NOT listen!
What?! Women don’t listen? All the talking and communicating that women like to do and you’re telling me that they don’t listen?? Yes, that is exactly what I’m saying.
Men may not talk much or want to sit down as much as women and have a heart to heart, but they DO talk. Most men are pretty direct about what they want and what they do not want from the start. If a man does not want a relationship, he will say so. When a man says "I'm not looking for a relationship." STOP! Think about what you really want to happen with this man. You like him, you think he’s cute, etc etc. You’re giving him the time of day for a reason and usually it's in hope that things will one day progress. So, in a sense, you ARE looking for a relationship. You are looking for a commitment. You are looking for a little bit more than a "whatever happens, happens" approach. That alone is enough to tell you that what the two of you are looking for do NOT align.
However, this is the part where women stop listening. They heard what he said but they didn’t listen. They physically heard him but they chose not to absorb the information and apply it to their decision making. Why is that?
Well, instead of walking away from someone they like or a situation that is inevitably headed for failure, some women see possibilities. They see an opportunity to change that man’s mind, to put their best foot forward and show him that maybe he just hasn’t met the right girl yet. This is sweet and all but its not always realistic. The second you know you want more than what he wants, but you say "okay" and proceed anyway, anything that happens from that point forward is YOUR fault.
After weeks or months (and hopefully NOT years) of "kickin' it" on his terms and still being in the same position you were in all the way back on that day where he initially said what he DID NOT want, questions start to arise in a woman’s head. "Where IS this going?" "Am I wasting my time?" "What does he want from me?" "Is this even progressing?" Here are the answers: Nowhere. Yes. Nothing. And No.
And this is what was established from the beginning, on that sunny day in April when you really started to like him and decided to deal with him after he said wasn’t looking for a relationship. Now it’s October, it's getting cold, and after all of this wasted time that you decided to invest, you’re still in emotional limbo, more attached than ever, and starting to feel robbed, disappointed and angry!
And on that cold night in October, around 1:51 a.m. when you’re making your usual trip to his house to "hang out", you ask him, "Where is this going? What do you want from me?" And he tells you the same thing he told you back in April: IM NOT LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP, you cannot be mad at anyone but YOURSELF.
It is what it is, ladies. Learn to listen and be more aware of the situations that you are getting yourself into. Start looking at a situation for what it is as opposed to what you want it to. Stop blaming men when you repeatedly get crapped on. After a while, it does become your fault. A whole gender is not to blame for your poor decision-making skills. A whole gender is not to blame because you repeatedly became the 1:00 am booty call. You’re to blame because you packed up your shit, threw on the first thing you could find, and ran to his car in the middle of night with less than 7 minutes notice. Open your eyes. You can’t complain about the situation if you go along with it.
It's time to stop placing the blame elsewhere and start doing a bit of introspection. Be honest about where you see things going and be conscious of what you’re allowing to happen. Stop blaming men and start looking in the mirror a little longer. It's difficult to break a relationship cycle but it is possible! And its more than necessary when the cycle is emotionally destructive. Lets make wiser choices ladies. It can be done.