Porn Is Entertainment, NOT Sex Ed

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Porn Is Entertainment, NOT Sex Ed
Porn, erotica, romance novels, and even Hollywood movie sex scenes are fun, not educational

I'm not just talking about video porn. I'm also including erotica, romance novels and even hot sex scenes in Hollywood movies. All these things are great and healthy entertainment, I just wish people would stop confusing them with reality.

I recently worked with a couple that was going through a very hard time. The wife approached me because she wasn't orgasming as often as she'd like to. This is a very common occurrence. She loved him and enjoyed having sex with him, but wasn't reaching orgasm on a regular basis. To his credit, he agreed to meet with me, but he was mortified and convinced that her talking with me was a sign that he was inadequate as a man. Why? Because he could not believe that his penis wasn't enough to completely satisfy her. I told him the truth, that only about 10-20% of women are capable of coming from penetration alone; however, because he'd seen countless porns where ladies were screaming their heads off from being pounded, he didn't believe me. I tried to console him that at least his wife was handling this openly and as a team instead of sneaking behind his back to play with toys or worse, having an affair. This very manly man still looked like he was going to sob at any moment.

My heart went out to both of them, but there was just no getting through to him. I suggested that they try the We Vibe, but they settled on a butterfly toy (a perfectly fine substitute) instead. Unfortunately, I haven't heard back from them. My thoughts are with them because it was obvious that they love each other very much.

I don't have a moral problem with video porn, though most of it doesn't appeal to me because it lacks sensuality. I am an avid reader and writer of romance and erotica, and I spend way too much time at the movies (although popcorn cravings account for some of that). All these things are great entertainment and have the potential to inspire your sex life, which is wonderful. But, the problem is that they all are guilty of providing a very false picture of human sexuality, from sexual performance to body image. If you don't separate the entertainment from reality, it's easy to start to feel as if you don't measure up or that there is something horribly wrong with you because your sexual encounters aren't as explosive and easy as what you read or watch.

Let me give you some insight:

  • The majority of women (80-90%) need consistent, rhythmic clitoral stimulation for anywhere from 10-45 minutes (or longer) to reach orgasm with a partner.
  • The penis, no matter the size, is the least effective tool a man has for stimulating the clit. Not that it isn't fantastic, because women do get a lot of pleasure from being penetrated. But the tongue, mouth and hands are much better equipped to help her orgasm. Vibrators and other sex toys are great for helping out, especially when the aforementioned body parts get tired.

I will be writing more in this series of PSA's and Porn Is Entertainment, Not Sex Ed, so stay tuned.

In the mean time, read and apply "She Comes First" by Ian Kerner for truly hot and satisfying encounters!

For More Orgasm Advice From YourTango:

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
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