Your days as a single girl are numbered.
Single and ready to mingle! That's what you as a woman are aiming for when you are young, healthy, beautiful and riding solo.
However, we all know it is easier said than done. Being single is one thing, having the confidence to mingle—well, that's another.
You probably tried them all—the social events, dating websites, speed dating, night clubs and even church with the hope of meeting a guy.
At one point, one of your girlfriends dragged you out because she noticed how "awful" your situation has become, and she ended up being the centre of attention, even though she already has a man!
So the doubts creep in and you start to question yourself. You wonder if there is something wrong with you.
Are you pretty or sexy enough? You are surely not stupid. You know you have some honest friends, and you are quite sure they would tell you if you were.
Your colleagues laugh at your jokes, so you definitely have a sense of humour. Actually, come to think of it, you feel you are certainly a cool girl.
So the question that constantly haunts you is "How the hell do I get the guys to stop seeing me as the friend and ask me out on a date?!"
As the lady you are, you don't necessarily want to directly ask a guy out (even if there is nothing wrong with that). You want a man to wine and dine you; you need to feel desired and chased!
Honey, you can make it happen, but you need to broadcast the right signals and make sure your target tunes in to your radio, if you know what I mean.
Once you do it for one guy, you can do it again and then you will be single and equipped to mingle!
Is it my attitude?
By now, it's common knowledge is that men generally don't like women who put them down. The thing is, you probably don't feel you have an attitude.
You think you're a "strong and independent woman," but that is completely different.
Ok then, let me ask you a question. How many dates have you been on in the last 5 years?
When you go out to social events, do you go back home disappointed because nobody spoke to you?
If this is the case, it usually means that the guys can't be bothered to approach you. They usually know when there will be too much ice to break.
If they won't come your way, there is a reason for that.
You need to understand that attraction is not only based on physical attributes. The vibes you give off are also very important, and you should use them to your advantage.
But also remember, your vibes are either very attractive or unattractive from a man's point-of-view. You need to appear approachable, and, more importantly, you have to exude confidence.
You need to send the right signals in order for a particular guy to notice you among other women then approach you, and, finally, you need to handle yourself a certain way if you want him to ask you out!
First thing's first—regardless of the event (bar, club or networking event), act as if you were among long-time friends. Smile, laugh, chat, have fun and express yourself. Answer questions with wit and humor.
Be reserved with a spark of naughtiness, but whatever you do, don't try too hard; just be as natural as possible.
The next time you go out, make it a point to observe other women and their interactions. Your mission is to look at which women attract what kind of guys.
From your vantage point, take note of who attracts the gangsters, the nerds or the guys with little confidence. Observe the women who are eager for attention but get none.
Look at the attractive guys and watch the women who are competing for their attention, whether subtlely or not. Then look to see which women those same guys end up flirting or dancing with.
Armed with this information, you will be better able to see yourself in the mirror.
From an objective and neutral perspective, you can you see whether or not you appear stiff, shy, slutty, desperate or simply bored. Simply put, that's how you will appear to a guy who doesn't know you.
On a side note, it's important to remember that love doesn't always come when you want it to.
If you happen to go out and didn't get that handsome guy's phone number, don't be too hard on yourself. Just think of it as he was not the one for you.
I guarantee you that there will be other places and other opportunities.
Ok, let’s move on. Part of building your confidence is learning how to face rejection and seeing it for what it is.
It's part of life. What's important is that you don't make it ruin your evening and understand that sometimes, you are just not what the guy you want is looking for.
Remember, there are plenty of other opportunities and there are plenty of other men. If some random guy that you don't know and who you probably won't ever see again seemed more interested in somebody else, who cares?
He was simply not for you and you were not for him (so don't hate on the other girls because sometimes jealousy is visible and it's not cute!)
Just tell yourself, "Mr. Right didn't come tonight. Oh well, he isn't ready yet. The evening was good though. It was definitely a fun night."
Appreciate the event you experienced and learn how to enjoy life alone. Then life will seem enjoyable with you.
I admit it is a hard process, it takes time to accept the rules of the dating game, but it's one of the best ways to build your confidence.
Another way is to imagine that you are the star of a family television show. Yes, really!
How would you act if you knew millions of people were watching your show? Would you smile all the time? Would you use a joyful tone of voice? Would you use fluid hand gestures, would you look at your audience in their eyes?
You should seriously try this at home if you feel shy or nervous.
Look at yourself in the mirror and put yourself in the TV star's shoes, and apply this when you go out.
Eventually you will look more approachable, confident and friendly, and before you know it, guys will start coming your way.
Put the exercise in practice every time you go out. When a guy talks to you, look at him and smile, even though you're not attracted to him.
If you avoid eye contact, you will seem conceited, and if you don't smile you might look aggressive.
You should keep that upbeat energy because maybe another man you like is watching and find your cute, smiley and nice self very attractive!
Remember, this is your show! Find a polite way to let the first guy know you are not interested, but do not say that you have a man if you don't.
The guy you rejected may even appreciate your kindness and be a valuable asset is telling other guys "yeah, she's cool, she does XYZ… but not for me” (you know men, they will never admit it when we reject them).
Don't lose patience because eventually someone you fancy will approach you. In many situations, you won't even have to wait for him to approach you. You can make him do it.
Let's say you see a guy you like in a crowd. Girl, you have to give him the green light!
Do not hesitate and remember, your body language is your greatest asset. You need to learn how to use it.
If your girlfriends don't find him that cute, forget them. We live in a day and age when a woman can subtlely invite a guy without chasing him.
Ok, one thing to know is that most guys would not approach you when your friends surround you. If you are, you need to instantly make yourself available in terms of your geographical position towards him.
If you are in a group, get some distance from them so you're alone.
Pretend to go to the bathroom, outside to make a fake call or go to the bar to get a drink. If you can, find a way to lightly brush against him.
If he is in your way, touch him gently to let him know you are behind him but don't say anything; it's all about being subtle.
Ultimately, your goal is to find a way to face the guy (closely or from a distance); look at him straight in the eyes and give him the most brilliant, seductive and charming smile you could ever give.
A smile is a gift, you can hardly be more inviting without being forceful than with a bright smile. There is no way he wouldn't notice you if you smile and let the magic happen.
If you are one of those women that men seem to always consider a good friend or a match maker, then it may also be an attitude problem. You misplaced friendly attitude.
You shouldn't become so friendly with the guy you like that you are no longer desirable to him. You can't be a "home-girl" to every guy out there.
You need to appear more like a woman than a friend. It's important that you keep a certain distance from him so he doesn't consider you a buddy or a sister.
If you are already friends with a guy you really like, you can still turn the situation around. Learn how to use your body language (not your body just yet).
Let him know that your interest in him goes further than friendship.
Create a more seductive environment in his presence. Be more sensual: arch your back, swing your hips, play with your hair, put some lip gloss, lick and bite your lips subtilely when he looks at you.
Guys notice this stuff and they usually understand the message. That's right, you can make it happen! Don't be afraid to touch his arm when you are talking to him.
Caressing of your legs when you sit is enough to get his attention. Or if you are showing some cleavage, play with your necklace.
Doing these little things lets him take notice of your feminine curves and forces him to re-assess the way he sees you.
He will find it surprising to notice that you're not only a good friend, but actually you are also a pretty appealing woman.
It's crazy but it works. I'm not kidding! This is merely the magic of being a woman.
What about my fashion sense?
You know the trends and you know what is popular this season, so I'm sure your fashion sense is very good.
However, a few fashion tips can make you extraordinary in a situation where you need to pump your attraction levels to the maximum.
Let's start with your actual clothes. Dress according to your body and learn how to accentuate your best features.
For example, if you are tall and skinny, try to show your legs and avoid large clothes that would hide your curves.
If you are rather short, make sure you wear high heels and clothes that will elongate your shape.
If you are a big girl, tastefully show cleavage and avoid clothes that are too tight or see-through.
It's unfortunate, but too many women confuse being sexy with being slutty. It's not attractive to show too much skin.
With any body shape, you can look sexy and classy! With the wrong type of look, you may attract the wrong type of guys.
Next, take a look at your make-up. Is it appropriate for the event you're going to?
You don't need red lipstick and multicolored eye shadow to go to a picnic as this sometimes gives the wrong impression. Men often comment that a girl who has too much make-up on, especially at a daytime event is insecure.
Be glamorous without looking like a stolen car.
Look at the situation this way; if you have several sales offers, you would usually go for the most straight-forward one, the one that tells the truth about price and value and doesn't try to mess you around with marketing hype.
It is the exact same thing with makeup. When you cover your pretty face in 50 layers of makeup, you look like you are hiding something. Less is more!
For a day-time event, go for light foundation (if any) to even out your skin tone.
Then accentuate your eyes or your lips. Highlight what you think is your best feature.
If you want to brighten your eyes, do it lightly with a color or blended colours that match your clothes. If you are doing this use a nude coloured lipstick or transparent lip-gloss.
If you prefer to plump your lips with color and sparkle, just wear simple eye makeup (mascara and pencil) merely to look happy and awake.
At night, be more expressive and creative. You can match or mismatch your clothes and your makeup. You can wear brighter, more daring colors, but learn how to do it the right way.
Go to your closest department store that has a makeup section and any attendant should can recommend the best products for you.
However, remember that you need to look after your skin. Your skin care products are as important as your makeup line.
There are countless blogs and YouTube videos that tell you it all start from within. You can start getting rid of your imperfections in the kitchen. Drink loads of water and get plenty of sleep.
The more you include fresh fruits and vegetables in your diet, the better your skin will be.
If you have serious skin issues like blemishes, dark spots, uneven skin tone, acne or scarring, you should visit your dermatologist or use proven products. Don't rely on the corner shop advice and products, as it can make your situation worse.
The healthier your skin, the more enjoyable your make-up sessions will be and the better the results.
Even if you don't wear make-up at all, you still have to cleanse and moisturize your skin. More and more natural alternatives to chemicals are more available.
If you have skin issues, follow the tips above and with a good treatment and a couple of months you can have that skin that you wanted all your life.
What about the opportunity? Where can I meet guys that would be interested?
We often carry stereotypes that you shouldn't date a workmate because it's too much drama, or you can't get anything serious in a club because men there are always looking for sex.
Let me tell you a quick story. My then-boyfriend and I invited my single girlfriend to a new club we never went to. She was not doing anything that night and we thought we might as well drag her along.
People were having fun in the club and as a couple, we were really enjoying the vibe. I however had the feeling that my girlfriend was feeling a bit left out.
Later on, I saw her at one point make eye contact with a guy and he was laughing. He came by later and asked her jokingly if it was her first time clubbing.
Only then did she realize he was actually laughing at her. (We knew it all along because she has two left feet).
She could have been really vexed and taken it all the wrong way. But later that night, I saw them laughing and dancing, and at the end of the night I encouraged her to give him a chance.
To cut the story short, they are now happily married and have their first baby on the way.
So what about opportunity? Discover that it is everywhere.
Keep an open mind and a youthful spirit about the dating thing. You can find love in strange places. You create opportunity by simply being open.
Gladly let strangers compliment you, share a laugh with a guy in the street, wave at your single neighbour, joke with your colleague or schoolmates. You never know.
If a guy approaches you with respect and consideration, why shouldn't you give him your contact number or email address? I am already guessing what you think.
You're not sure, you don't know him (that's the whole point of meeting someone), you are good by yourself, you don't have time for that, or you don't need a man (girl, please!).
He looks like your ex or your brother, he doesn't have the kind of swagger you fancy, he could be a psycho, he is in your class so you want to avoid drama, he is a player for sure, or he looks too this or too that.
He is none of this: he is just an opportunity. Nothing less, nothing more.
Stop finding excuses and alibis. Just go out and try him.
You often realize silly things that you hadn't noticed when you first met him. His voice is deeper, he is taller than you thought, he has a funny accent or he is actually pretty cute.
As the date goes along, if you aren't interested, there is no need for a next date. You took your chance and at best you had a good lunch or you saw a cool movie.
But what if the date goes well? The guy is charming, and you have a good time. The guy is intelligent, charming, funny and shares common interests with you.
The opportunity arose, you grabbed it and you turned it into a good date. The only thing you had to do was give him your number.
When you go home and tell your friends about him, you giggle, you smile and you daydream about the next time you see him. This alone makes you feel so good!
Now you know that you have the power, and it's already in your hands. You just need to use it properly and to have fun with it.
It's just a game. The power you have comes from your confidence, your approachability and your beauty (Plus a bit of fashion understanding, of course).
We all have insecurities when we get self-conscious of our imperfections, and we tend to forget that nobody is perfect and that is why life is worth living.
Beauty lies underneath imperfection. Always remember this!
You are gorgeous in you own way, with you own features and style, and in order for you to get a man you will have to understand it (without being conceited).
Find qualities in your appearance and in your personality and embrace them. Look at yourself in the mirror and constantly tell yourself "Damn, you are fine girl!" Do it until you convince yourself that you are beautiful then it will get easier for people to see it also.
Appreciate your womanhood because men out there are working hard and spend their money on cars and clothes so they can get your attention. They want to finally have the privilege of loving that very womanhood.
You catapulted yourself to the dating scene and you can now enjoy the process. It's up to you to sustain the habit of going out on dates. Go out with the one guy or date more than one: it is your choice.
If you find that your first opportunity has boyfriend potential, make sure he is a good one. A boyfriend with lifetime potential, preferably—if that is what you want.
But if not, just explore your options. Why not? Get to know different guys and start defining what you want from a man and what men want from you.
Meditate also on what you are able to give to a man. You have to define that from getting to know men and how they think and act.
You cannot define that from a random list of requirements that you got from your girlfriends who are more desperate than you to find or to keep a man!