Was That Argument Really Necessary?: Learn To 'Fight' Fair

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Was That Argument Really Necessary?: Learn To 'Fight' Fair
The 3 Key steps to ACTUALLY working your issues out with a spouse without losing your cool.

You've asked your spouse 3 times this week to take the garbage out or get the yardwork done;finish the laundry;put the dishes away. It's a neverending conversation about who does what, on which schedule and when.

Sure enough, the next day, it's STILL NOT done.Tempers flare. Arguments ensue and once again you are pulled back into a ridiculous discussion over who is right. It's the same arguement you've had hundreds of times over the same stupid issues.

Why can't you seem to figure it out?

Couples who regularly engage in disagreements about the same things fail to implement a system in their relationship that will end these fights once and for all.

There are 3 critical keys to Fighting Fair without losing your cool!

1.  Say what you mean: Ladies,this one's for you. Quit using code words and innuendo when you are trying to resolve and issue. Men are not mind readers and they never will be. Sadly, women use this tactic to draw men into the conversation and ultimately, the arguement.  Instead, be forthright and say exactly how you are feeling and what you need to help resolve the disagreement. If you aren't sure what you are feeling and what you need, take the time to get clear on what you are trying to achieve before jumping into the discussion. You will ultimately get what it is you need when you take the time to be clear and direct.

2.  Enough with the Passive Aggressive: Guys, listen up! You think it's so much easier to give short yes or no answers to your partner.  The truth is, these answers frustrate your partner even more, making her feel like she has to engage even harder to pull an answer or response out of you. If you don't want to talk about the issue at hand right now, say so!  Give your partner a time frame in which to start the conversation again. Say you will discuss it after dinner or in a day or two when you aren't so frustrated. Long drawn out timelines to find resolution only make the matter worse and more intense.  

3.  Quit fighting over ridiculous things: Take a deep breath and seriously consider, "Is anyone going to die? Is anyone in mortal danger?  At the end of the day, all things considered, is this something that is life changing?" If your answer is no, perhaps a new agreement is in order. What are you both willing to do to make sure expectations are met and you are both on the same page? Renegotiate! Even huge companies negotiate over and over again to get a better deal! The same rings true for relationships. Just because you agreed the garbage would go out on Tuesdays and Thursdays at the start of your relationship, doesn't mean that agreement still works for you. Be open minded enough to consider that a new deal is a better deal. Fight for the big things: Respect, Integrity, Dignity, Kindness, and Love. Fight for those things. Quit fighting over garbage and laundry.

An excellent way to determine what is the CORE value of your relationship is to complete a couples Core Values Tournament.  Connect with me on Your Tango and I will send you my Core Values Tournament so you can complete a fun activity with your partner.

More relationships advice on YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Ms Natalie Blais

Family Coach

Natalie Blais

Parenting Strategist

www.APassionateParent.com

Happy, Healthy, Peaceful Homes

Location: Calgary, AB, Canada
Credentials: BA
Specialties: Blended Family Issues, Empowering Women, Parenting
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